tallulahgs: Emotional Matsuda (Emotional Matsuda)
[personal profile] tallulahgs
[Title] Bringing in the Spring
[Fandom] Death Note / Afro-Ken
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Post-canon, Matsuda has an odd but pleasant meeting.

For ages, Matsuda feels like he didn't kill Raito so much as... got pieces of him stuck in his head. Not the brains, or the determination, or the charm, of course, but the... everything he said about how you look round at the world and you can't see a single good thing, and you can't stop thinking about how some people aren't helping anyone by being alive, and nothing feels like it's ever going to change. Of course, Raito saw all that and tried to make it change, and all Matsuda's done is stop that change dead in its tracks, so really all that he can do is try not to get too tired out by how rotten it all looks.

And, of course, now he can look at himself and see what Raito saw, see this pathetic idiot who couldn't do anything but fail to pick a side and then kill someone in a fit of temper. Still, there's peace in seeing himself as he really is.

But one day – it's spring, over a year after, and there are blossoms everywhere, and the sun is out – he is walking down the street and he sees the dog scurrying around chasing the falling flowers. He feels himself smile, and then he's squinting against the sun because – the dog looks like it's got an afro, like someone dressed it up in a wig that's the same colour as the blossoms – and that's crazy but it's kind of sweet, too, and he calls to it here, boy, here and it scurries up to him and he scritches it behind the ears. It does have fur that looks like an afro, but it grins up at him, looking at him like he’s fine just the way he is, and he's smiling back. And then the dog runs off down the road a little and then the breeze sends swirls of blossoms twisting down the street and when it clears the dog is gone. It only occurs to Matsuda later that he was happy about this as if the world wasn’t a terrible place, and that Raito would never have been that happy about a goofy dog in a wig chasing flowers.

[Title] The Quiet Ones
[Fandom] Saiyuki
[Rating] PG, maybe PG-13, for language and mention of violence
[Notes/Summary] Sometimes Gojyo's puzzled by Hakkai.

Gojyo’s met a lot of people who’ve done very bad things. Hell, he spends all his time these days with three guys who’ve done some very bad things. He has done some very bad things. So it’s not like he’s bothered by Hakkai’s blood-soaked past.

But. Most people who’ve done bad things just have an attitude (like that miserable son-of-a-bitch Sanzo) or the part of them that does the bad stuff isn’t really them (like Goku) or they’re psychotic sadists (like that bastard Ni Jianyi) or they’re just morons (like way too many youkai who’ve tried to jump him over the years).

Hakkai is the politest person Gojyo’s ever met, bar none. He’s quiet and quietly amused and even when Sanzo’s at his most misanthropic Hakkai will react with maturity and grace, and manage his feelings like a grown-up. Maturity and grace and more’n a modicum of intelligence, not that Gojyo’d ever say that to his face. And Hakkai worries about them, and about the various innocents and victims they run into on their travels and try not to screw up too badly. If you didn’t know the full story, you’d wonder why he was hanging round with them at all and not working as a clerk or a valet or… something else that needs you to be neat and polite.

And he’s killed a hell of a lot of people.

And they all have but Hakkai methodically slaughtered an entire village out of cold, focused rage. Not the red mist kind of rage that lets you pretend you didn’t know what you did, either. Not a second personality or demonic possession. They took away someone he loved and so he killed them all. And Gojyo can picture it (and yet he can’t). The Hakkai who did that is the same guy who never swears and is kind to his pet dragon and laughs quietly when Sanzo’s calling Goku a stupid monkey. They’re never going to talk about it, of course – they’ve all got their pasts trailing behind them and there’s no point in going over dank unpleasant ground – but Gojyo wonders, sometimes. Is Hakkai constantly choking down that rage, is that why he’s so calm? If he got mad enough to drop an f-bomb, would that be like taking the brakes off?

Or is it that he genuinely isn’t ever that angry, except for the one or two times when he is?

Gojyo doesn’t know which is more unnerving, to be honest.

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