tallulahgs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tallulahgs) wrote2008-01-02 09:18 pm
tallulahgs) wrote2008-01-02 09:18 pm
Fanfiction
Written for and posted to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
12dayschristmas (and one posted on death_note.
This day had a theme. This theme is 'Raito Yagami' *guilt* Hence the Death Note quality of most of these fics.
[Title] Waiting for the New World (Part 1 and Part 2)
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 to R-ish for sex
[Pairing] Raito Yagami/Touta Matsuda
[Notes/Summary] Raito is waiting for a new phase of life to begin, but boredom and uneasiness force him to seek a distraction. Spoilers for DN contained within the fic. A two-parter (so two lonely people fics ^^) - second part can be reached from the first.
Fear, and the scent of sugar on the air
[Title] Nothing Left
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 for slight mention of self-harm and morbidity
[Notes/Summary] Set after the end of the manga. Misa doesn't feel like herself any more. (Some odd stuff going on with pronouns here. This was intentional, more or less.)
Always someone with her, now. So why is she so lonely?
She has talked about herself in the third person for a good many years, but now Misa-Misa is someone else. Misa-Misa is outside in the sun walking hand-in-hand with Raito-kun. She feels as if she'd have to run all night, or swim a deep black ocean, to get back into Misa's head. It is odd how Misa has left traces of herself around, though; like the blonde dye in her hair (rushing away to the tips) or the chips of black nail varnish on her fingers slowly, slowly being scratched away. That at least is something she can do. Mostly she does nothing because there is nothing.
She wants the nail varnish off her hands, because Misa-Misa had sat in the hotel room and giggled and chattered to Mogi-san as she'd painted it on, and when Raito-kun had called for the last time she remembers Misa had been grateful that he had not done so earlier, because her nails had only just dried.
She wants the nail varnish off her hands.
Sometimes she scratches at her fingers instead, but that's all right too. The marks are something that's not Misa, but her. As if she's redecorating her skin. Misa was always untidy. She left things lying around the body as if she couldn't be bothered to pack when she went away.
Always someone with her. Perhaps if there hadn't been the idea she is now certain of would never have come into her head. But actually, she suspects that's not true. When she was still Misa, she did things on her own like moving to Tokyo and trying everything to get a boy to notice at her. So even though she's not Misa now she figures she might still be able to do things on her own. One last thing, anyway.
She knows - she found out the time of death by asking Matsuda-san, who told her because he feels guilty - that when Raito-kun died, Misa-Misa was ordering strawberry ice cream from room service. She keeps dreaming about that. In the dream the ice cream turns darker and darker as she eats it and she finds she's sipping spoonfuls of blood. That's a Misa dream - dark and dramatic and strong. She doesn't mind dreaming it even if she does wake with the taste of blood in her mouth. Her own dreams are much worse. She dreams she's lying in a room as colourless as this one, and she dreams she's asleep, but in the dream there is something, and here there is nothing.
She is waiting for her ticket out of here. She'll catch up with Misa, get back into her head. Just has to keep waiting. Sooner or later there won't be someone with her, and then she can leave.
[Title] Choose Your Future
[Fandom] Death Note/Harry Potter
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Harry Potter AU. An eleven-year-old Misa discusses Sorting. (And Raito has become Light in this fic, mainly because it felt more HP-ish. Sorry for lack of consistency.)
"Amane, Misa!"
Misa wasn't scared to walk out into the middle of the huge, silent hall - even though she was only the second person to go. She was going to be an actress, after all, so it was silly to be scared of everyone looking at you. But it did feel kind of strange sitting down on the stool, in front of all these strangers, and putting the old, cold hat on her head, the brim blocking out the candles, and the mass of faces and the queue of nervous first-years and the boy with red-brown hair at the back, watching her -
Darkness, the smell of dust and old fabric - not very nice, but somehow comforting, as if the hat had seen and survived everything you could ever think of -
And then it spoke. In her head, it spoke.
"Misa Amane, eh? Hmm, let's see. Well... there's loyalty there all right, piles of it. And ambition, mm, you've got dreams -"
"I want to be in Ravenclaw," Misa thought fiercely.
"Ravenclaw? That doesn't seem a good fit for you -"
"The boy. Light Yagami." Misa's thoughts stumbled over and over each other. "He said on the train he thought he might like to be there. I have to. I have to be in his House."
The hat chuckled, not unkindly. "Why?"
"Do... do you keep secrets?"
A snort, like a sneeze in her mind. "I've seen the soul of every witch and wizard Hogwarts has ever produced. Of course I keep secrets."
And all the pieces of knowledge tumbled through her mind - half-truths and whispered conversations and hints all kept safe until this day when it would finally make sense: "The Order of the Phoenix killed my parents. They were going to arrest them for being Death Eaters but they just killed them. Light Yagami - my mother said once - he's the youngest ally of Lord Voldemort ever, he spies for him because his father's in the Order, and - and I know he killed the man who killed my mother and father. So I'm going to be his friend, and his girlfriend when we're older, and then we'll help Voldemort take over the world together."
The hat chuckled again, but sadly. "He sounds like a Slytherin to me. Ambition to spare -"
"Then I want to be Slytherin, too."
"Are you sure? You'd be happy in Hufflepuff. You'd make friends. Who wants to follow one person around for ever? It sounds lonely to me."
"I don't care."
The hat sighed.
"SLYTHERIN!"
Misa yanked it off her head and leapt up, hurrying towards the Slytherin table. As she took her place, she stared at Light Yagami, standing still and quiet at the back of the queue, golden in the candles' glow. He didn't look back at her, didn't notice her watching. But he would. Soon.
[Title] Justice and Mercy
[Fandom] Death Note/Battle Royale (manga)
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Raito and Shuuya discuss music and morality.
"Wow." Raito raised an eyebrow. "Someone loves rock'n'roll."
Shuuya laughed as he closed the bedroom door behind them. "Hey, you're not telling me you're surprised." He grinned round at the piles of cassettes, the posters, the guitar leaning against the wall. "I know you spend more time in the library than is healthy, but I've seen you listening when I'm trying to tempt Mimura away from the jazz."
"I suppose I'm not that surprised. Just... impressed at your defiance of authority."
"Oh, shit - yeah, your dad's a cop." Shuuya put on an expression of almost-mock terror. "Don't turn me in, will you? Heck, I'd offer to do your homework for the next month if we didn't both know it would mean a dramatic drop in your grades."
"Relax." Raito walked over to the small desk, cleared the sheet music on it to one side and put down the calculus textbook. "My father has more important things to worry about than illegal music distribution."
"Oh, yeah?" Shuuya flopped down on the unmade bed. "You mean actual criminals as opposed to those standing up for freedom of expression?"
"Pretty much. Homicide, mainly."
"That's kind of grim."
"Well... someone has to make sure justice is done," Raito said. "Let's face it, it isn't like most people can be bothered to make any sort of effort to stand up against... evil, I guess." He stopped, smiled after a second, and turned away to look at the cover of the book. "I suppose I'm an idealist. You know... one person can make a difference. That sort of thing. Stupid, I know."
"I don't know." Shuuya glanced up at the ceiling. "My dad used to say... like... you should only do something when you can find the justice within the act. Huh... sounds corny, but I figure there are worse philosophies to live by."
"I think I can buy into it," Raito said. "You - your parents are dead, aren't they?"
"Uh-huh. My dad died when I was really little, but my mum used to talk about him a lot, so... yeah. You want to join the NPA, don't you? Is that because of your dad? Does he want you to follow in his footsteps?"
"I... I suppose," Raito said. "But I've never really wanted to do anything else. I suppose there may be more exciting careers out there, but - I don't know what they might be."
"Huh, I reckon being a cop is more exciting than, I dunno, selling insurance." Shuuya grinned. "Of couse, I intend to take the world by storm with my awesome guitar skills, so it's not such an issue for me."
"In the meantime, however," said Raito, "you still have to pass the calculus test on Monday."
"I was hoping we could forget that," Shuuya said, sighing. "On the other hand, I guess that's why you're here. But it's nice to find we've got something in common, seeing as our grades certainly aren't similar."
"Like you said, I spend too much time in the library."
"Well, I suppose you've got a rep to uphold, parents to make proud, etcetera," Shuuya said. "But you know, you're welcome to come eat lunch with us instead of with a book sometime. We may not use as many long words as the stuff you read, but we can still be entertaining."
"Yes, I can believe it." Raito grinned.
"And you know, you look kind of lonely sometimes. I know it can be weird when you've just transferred."
Raito opened the book. "I suppose it is, a little. Well... I might take you up on the offer sometime. It's always nice to see there are some good people left in the world."
[Title] Cold Hearts
[Fandom] Death Note/Battle Royale
[Rating] R for sex and violence
[Pairing] Kazuo Kiriyama/Raito Yagami
[Notes/Summary] Kazuo and Raito are fighting for their lives, and only one can survive... set during Volume 2 of DN, and with the BR situation advanced by two years. Link below.
Some kind of sociopath
[Title] Voice of God
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 for sex stuff
[Pairing] Raito Yagami/Teru Mikami
[Notes/Summary] Mikami worships Kira in the only way he can.
Hearing his God's voice on the other end of the line makes Mikami happier than he's ever been before in his life, even though he knows that loneliness will follow. The calls are never long enough and of course he wouldn't waste Kira's time by trying to prolong them unnecessarily. Kira has far more important things to do than listen to him. But his voice is so - beautiful is not the right word. His voice is so powerful.
Although perhaps beautiful is right, after all. Mikami does not find many people beautiful. Most people are shallow and weak and cruel and he doesn't understand how you can lust after someone you despise. But Kira is different - as God, he is perfect, after all, and so isn't it natural to find his voice so -
Not that he lets his own voice convey any of the thoughts he has, because his God doesn't need to be troubled by things like that. He's almost disgusted by the feelings, and certainly ashamed enough of his weakness not to do anything about it while Kira is still speaking to him.
Well. That isn't quite true, either. He may not let the true nature of his feelings show, but he tries to convey his devotion in his voice, and whispers God and sometimes, when he's lucky, he hears Kira's voice catch, hears his breathing quicken and when that happens it's so hard not to close his eyes and pretend they're in the same room and -
But even when he does make his God happy the call will always end, and then, alone on his knees in the silent room he uses his hands to stave off the loneliness for as long as possible. But it never lasts - he can never last - and soon the silence is back and all he can do is wait until the next time God chooses to speak to him.
[Title] Experimentation
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 (maybe R) for sex
[Pairing] Raito/L
[Notes/Summary] L attempts to investigate Raito's mindset in another way. Written somewhat confusingly.
L has been as he is for a long time, so this course of activity is -
(different
wonderful)
- risky. But being who he is, he has
Two single beds, pushed together, and Raito stands staring at them for a moment, and L sees him tense.
"I felt that I personally would rather not be made to fall out of bed if you become active during the night," he says. "If, however, it bothers you -" And Raito shrugs, making the handcuff chain clink, and says, in an unnecessarily bored voice, "It's fine with me. Sounds sensible, really."
always known that there is never any harm in letting your opponent think that he's more powerful than you. The most important thing is -
(Raito's mouth on his throat, skin between his teeth; he is giving sharp, shaking breaths as if he is afraid)
- not to start believing it yourself. And while L will own that he has very little experience in this sort of situation, he is - for once - happy to admit to lack of knowledge, and give the impression that he's keen to be taught.
At one a.m. Raito turns to look at him and says, "Don't you ever get lonely?"
"Excuse me?"
"I - it's something I wondered about while I was locked up down there. This is the first time you've ever shown your face to anyone, isn't it? This case. Before, you always communicated through Watari and computers. Didn't it ever bother you? It... it would if it were me."
The true answer to that is, of course, that L has never been lonely, because why would he want people hanging around him all the time talking and arguing and missing vital clues and asking him why he eats so much cake? People don't offer him anything he doesn't already have. But then he looks at Raito and he sees a different course of action and so he says, "I suppose that sometimes it was lonely. But that depends on your definition of the emotion."
He wants to give the impression of ever-so-slight naivety, and see what Raito will do. He wants -
(Raito's hand down between his legs, the fingers strong and confident and not in keeping at all with the expression on the boy's face, which is half-nervous half-angry as if he too has some hidden motivation)
- to keep Raito off-balance, keep him guessing. It's not unlikely that Raito has a contingency plan for the fact that they are chained together, but add this event in as well and a degree of unpredictability may be retained. Not to mention that if he -
(reaches out; Raito is warm against him and there is so much movement, so much sensation, and it probably isn't good to be indulging himself in these unfamiliar feelings with someone who could easily be someone who wants him dead. But he reaches out anyway and as he does Raito grabs his wrist with his free hand, and the bracelets of the cuffs chime against each other. And Raito chokes out "Wait. Just - let me -" and his grip is painful and L allows himself to gasp, wince just a bit, and watches)
- if he continues to do this, it will yield valuable information for the future, and -
(for a moment Raito's grip tightens)
- it will be interesting to see how deep Raito's facade extends.
12dayschristmas (and one posted on death_note.This day had a theme. This theme is 'Raito Yagami' *guilt* Hence the Death Note quality of most of these fics.
[Title] Waiting for the New World (Part 1 and Part 2)
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 to R-ish for sex
[Pairing] Raito Yagami/Touta Matsuda
[Notes/Summary] Raito is waiting for a new phase of life to begin, but boredom and uneasiness force him to seek a distraction. Spoilers for DN contained within the fic. A two-parter (so two lonely people fics ^^) - second part can be reached from the first.
Fear, and the scent of sugar on the air
[Title] Nothing Left
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 for slight mention of self-harm and morbidity
[Notes/Summary] Set after the end of the manga. Misa doesn't feel like herself any more. (Some odd stuff going on with pronouns here. This was intentional, more or less.)
Always someone with her, now. So why is she so lonely?
She has talked about herself in the third person for a good many years, but now Misa-Misa is someone else. Misa-Misa is outside in the sun walking hand-in-hand with Raito-kun. She feels as if she'd have to run all night, or swim a deep black ocean, to get back into Misa's head. It is odd how Misa has left traces of herself around, though; like the blonde dye in her hair (rushing away to the tips) or the chips of black nail varnish on her fingers slowly, slowly being scratched away. That at least is something she can do. Mostly she does nothing because there is nothing.
She wants the nail varnish off her hands, because Misa-Misa had sat in the hotel room and giggled and chattered to Mogi-san as she'd painted it on, and when Raito-kun had called for the last time she remembers Misa had been grateful that he had not done so earlier, because her nails had only just dried.
She wants the nail varnish off her hands.
Sometimes she scratches at her fingers instead, but that's all right too. The marks are something that's not Misa, but her. As if she's redecorating her skin. Misa was always untidy. She left things lying around the body as if she couldn't be bothered to pack when she went away.
Always someone with her. Perhaps if there hadn't been the idea she is now certain of would never have come into her head. But actually, she suspects that's not true. When she was still Misa, she did things on her own like moving to Tokyo and trying everything to get a boy to notice at her. So even though she's not Misa now she figures she might still be able to do things on her own. One last thing, anyway.
She knows - she found out the time of death by asking Matsuda-san, who told her because he feels guilty - that when Raito-kun died, Misa-Misa was ordering strawberry ice cream from room service. She keeps dreaming about that. In the dream the ice cream turns darker and darker as she eats it and she finds she's sipping spoonfuls of blood. That's a Misa dream - dark and dramatic and strong. She doesn't mind dreaming it even if she does wake with the taste of blood in her mouth. Her own dreams are much worse. She dreams she's lying in a room as colourless as this one, and she dreams she's asleep, but in the dream there is something, and here there is nothing.
She is waiting for her ticket out of here. She'll catch up with Misa, get back into her head. Just has to keep waiting. Sooner or later there won't be someone with her, and then she can leave.
[Title] Choose Your Future
[Fandom] Death Note/Harry Potter
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Harry Potter AU. An eleven-year-old Misa discusses Sorting. (And Raito has become Light in this fic, mainly because it felt more HP-ish. Sorry for lack of consistency.)
"Amane, Misa!"
Misa wasn't scared to walk out into the middle of the huge, silent hall - even though she was only the second person to go. She was going to be an actress, after all, so it was silly to be scared of everyone looking at you. But it did feel kind of strange sitting down on the stool, in front of all these strangers, and putting the old, cold hat on her head, the brim blocking out the candles, and the mass of faces and the queue of nervous first-years and the boy with red-brown hair at the back, watching her -
Darkness, the smell of dust and old fabric - not very nice, but somehow comforting, as if the hat had seen and survived everything you could ever think of -
And then it spoke. In her head, it spoke.
"Misa Amane, eh? Hmm, let's see. Well... there's loyalty there all right, piles of it. And ambition, mm, you've got dreams -"
"I want to be in Ravenclaw," Misa thought fiercely.
"Ravenclaw? That doesn't seem a good fit for you -"
"The boy. Light Yagami." Misa's thoughts stumbled over and over each other. "He said on the train he thought he might like to be there. I have to. I have to be in his House."
The hat chuckled, not unkindly. "Why?"
"Do... do you keep secrets?"
A snort, like a sneeze in her mind. "I've seen the soul of every witch and wizard Hogwarts has ever produced. Of course I keep secrets."
And all the pieces of knowledge tumbled through her mind - half-truths and whispered conversations and hints all kept safe until this day when it would finally make sense: "The Order of the Phoenix killed my parents. They were going to arrest them for being Death Eaters but they just killed them. Light Yagami - my mother said once - he's the youngest ally of Lord Voldemort ever, he spies for him because his father's in the Order, and - and I know he killed the man who killed my mother and father. So I'm going to be his friend, and his girlfriend when we're older, and then we'll help Voldemort take over the world together."
The hat chuckled again, but sadly. "He sounds like a Slytherin to me. Ambition to spare -"
"Then I want to be Slytherin, too."
"Are you sure? You'd be happy in Hufflepuff. You'd make friends. Who wants to follow one person around for ever? It sounds lonely to me."
"I don't care."
The hat sighed.
"SLYTHERIN!"
Misa yanked it off her head and leapt up, hurrying towards the Slytherin table. As she took her place, she stared at Light Yagami, standing still and quiet at the back of the queue, golden in the candles' glow. He didn't look back at her, didn't notice her watching. But he would. Soon.
[Title] Justice and Mercy
[Fandom] Death Note/Battle Royale (manga)
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Raito and Shuuya discuss music and morality.
"Wow." Raito raised an eyebrow. "Someone loves rock'n'roll."
Shuuya laughed as he closed the bedroom door behind them. "Hey, you're not telling me you're surprised." He grinned round at the piles of cassettes, the posters, the guitar leaning against the wall. "I know you spend more time in the library than is healthy, but I've seen you listening when I'm trying to tempt Mimura away from the jazz."
"I suppose I'm not that surprised. Just... impressed at your defiance of authority."
"Oh, shit - yeah, your dad's a cop." Shuuya put on an expression of almost-mock terror. "Don't turn me in, will you? Heck, I'd offer to do your homework for the next month if we didn't both know it would mean a dramatic drop in your grades."
"Relax." Raito walked over to the small desk, cleared the sheet music on it to one side and put down the calculus textbook. "My father has more important things to worry about than illegal music distribution."
"Oh, yeah?" Shuuya flopped down on the unmade bed. "You mean actual criminals as opposed to those standing up for freedom of expression?"
"Pretty much. Homicide, mainly."
"That's kind of grim."
"Well... someone has to make sure justice is done," Raito said. "Let's face it, it isn't like most people can be bothered to make any sort of effort to stand up against... evil, I guess." He stopped, smiled after a second, and turned away to look at the cover of the book. "I suppose I'm an idealist. You know... one person can make a difference. That sort of thing. Stupid, I know."
"I don't know." Shuuya glanced up at the ceiling. "My dad used to say... like... you should only do something when you can find the justice within the act. Huh... sounds corny, but I figure there are worse philosophies to live by."
"I think I can buy into it," Raito said. "You - your parents are dead, aren't they?"
"Uh-huh. My dad died when I was really little, but my mum used to talk about him a lot, so... yeah. You want to join the NPA, don't you? Is that because of your dad? Does he want you to follow in his footsteps?"
"I... I suppose," Raito said. "But I've never really wanted to do anything else. I suppose there may be more exciting careers out there, but - I don't know what they might be."
"Huh, I reckon being a cop is more exciting than, I dunno, selling insurance." Shuuya grinned. "Of couse, I intend to take the world by storm with my awesome guitar skills, so it's not such an issue for me."
"In the meantime, however," said Raito, "you still have to pass the calculus test on Monday."
"I was hoping we could forget that," Shuuya said, sighing. "On the other hand, I guess that's why you're here. But it's nice to find we've got something in common, seeing as our grades certainly aren't similar."
"Like you said, I spend too much time in the library."
"Well, I suppose you've got a rep to uphold, parents to make proud, etcetera," Shuuya said. "But you know, you're welcome to come eat lunch with us instead of with a book sometime. We may not use as many long words as the stuff you read, but we can still be entertaining."
"Yes, I can believe it." Raito grinned.
"And you know, you look kind of lonely sometimes. I know it can be weird when you've just transferred."
Raito opened the book. "I suppose it is, a little. Well... I might take you up on the offer sometime. It's always nice to see there are some good people left in the world."
[Title] Cold Hearts
[Fandom] Death Note/Battle Royale
[Rating] R for sex and violence
[Pairing] Kazuo Kiriyama/Raito Yagami
[Notes/Summary] Kazuo and Raito are fighting for their lives, and only one can survive... set during Volume 2 of DN, and with the BR situation advanced by two years. Link below.
Some kind of sociopath
[Title] Voice of God
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 for sex stuff
[Pairing] Raito Yagami/Teru Mikami
[Notes/Summary] Mikami worships Kira in the only way he can.
Hearing his God's voice on the other end of the line makes Mikami happier than he's ever been before in his life, even though he knows that loneliness will follow. The calls are never long enough and of course he wouldn't waste Kira's time by trying to prolong them unnecessarily. Kira has far more important things to do than listen to him. But his voice is so - beautiful is not the right word. His voice is so powerful.
Although perhaps beautiful is right, after all. Mikami does not find many people beautiful. Most people are shallow and weak and cruel and he doesn't understand how you can lust after someone you despise. But Kira is different - as God, he is perfect, after all, and so isn't it natural to find his voice so -
Not that he lets his own voice convey any of the thoughts he has, because his God doesn't need to be troubled by things like that. He's almost disgusted by the feelings, and certainly ashamed enough of his weakness not to do anything about it while Kira is still speaking to him.
Well. That isn't quite true, either. He may not let the true nature of his feelings show, but he tries to convey his devotion in his voice, and whispers God and sometimes, when he's lucky, he hears Kira's voice catch, hears his breathing quicken and when that happens it's so hard not to close his eyes and pretend they're in the same room and -
But even when he does make his God happy the call will always end, and then, alone on his knees in the silent room he uses his hands to stave off the loneliness for as long as possible. But it never lasts - he can never last - and soon the silence is back and all he can do is wait until the next time God chooses to speak to him.
[Title] Experimentation
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 (maybe R) for sex
[Pairing] Raito/L
[Notes/Summary] L attempts to investigate Raito's mindset in another way. Written somewhat confusingly.
L has been as he is for a long time, so this course of activity is -
(different
wonderful)
- risky. But being who he is, he has
Two single beds, pushed together, and Raito stands staring at them for a moment, and L sees him tense.
"I felt that I personally would rather not be made to fall out of bed if you become active during the night," he says. "If, however, it bothers you -" And Raito shrugs, making the handcuff chain clink, and says, in an unnecessarily bored voice, "It's fine with me. Sounds sensible, really."
always known that there is never any harm in letting your opponent think that he's more powerful than you. The most important thing is -
(Raito's mouth on his throat, skin between his teeth; he is giving sharp, shaking breaths as if he is afraid)
- not to start believing it yourself. And while L will own that he has very little experience in this sort of situation, he is - for once - happy to admit to lack of knowledge, and give the impression that he's keen to be taught.
At one a.m. Raito turns to look at him and says, "Don't you ever get lonely?"
"Excuse me?"
"I - it's something I wondered about while I was locked up down there. This is the first time you've ever shown your face to anyone, isn't it? This case. Before, you always communicated through Watari and computers. Didn't it ever bother you? It... it would if it were me."
The true answer to that is, of course, that L has never been lonely, because why would he want people hanging around him all the time talking and arguing and missing vital clues and asking him why he eats so much cake? People don't offer him anything he doesn't already have. But then he looks at Raito and he sees a different course of action and so he says, "I suppose that sometimes it was lonely. But that depends on your definition of the emotion."
He wants to give the impression of ever-so-slight naivety, and see what Raito will do. He wants -
(Raito's hand down between his legs, the fingers strong and confident and not in keeping at all with the expression on the boy's face, which is half-nervous half-angry as if he too has some hidden motivation)
- to keep Raito off-balance, keep him guessing. It's not unlikely that Raito has a contingency plan for the fact that they are chained together, but add this event in as well and a degree of unpredictability may be retained. Not to mention that if he -
(reaches out; Raito is warm against him and there is so much movement, so much sensation, and it probably isn't good to be indulging himself in these unfamiliar feelings with someone who could easily be someone who wants him dead. But he reaches out anyway and as he does Raito grabs his wrist with his free hand, and the bracelets of the cuffs chime against each other. And Raito chokes out "Wait. Just - let me -" and his grip is painful and L allows himself to gasp, wince just a bit, and watches)
- if he continues to do this, it will yield valuable information for the future, and -
(for a moment Raito's grip tightens)
- it will be interesting to see how deep Raito's facade extends.