tallulahgs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tallulahgs) wrote2014-04-16 08:24 pm
tallulahgs) wrote2014-04-16 08:24 pm
Entry tags:
Fandom 36
One day I'll stop putting the Malory Towers girls in dystopias. Today is not that day.
[Title] Through the Looking Glass
[Fandom] Malory Towers/The Handmaid's Tale
[Rating] PG-13 for vague mentions of torture and character death
[Notes/Summary] Alicia reflects on being on the winning side.
It is funny, Alicia thinks, as she straightens her veil in front of the mirror, that she, Don't-Care-Alicia, has ended up on the side of the righteous.
Well, it's not actually that funny. It's obvious to anyone with a brain that the majority of those on the winning side aren't there because they are true believers but because they're not stupid and they saw which way the wind was blowing. Or they like the power and the control. But not because they genuinely believe they're doing good. Not really.
She herself knows full well she's no longer on the side of the angels.
Oh, she asks her reflection as she waits for it to blink, what was I supposed to do? Make a stand and be declared Unwoman? Flee across the border and end up being hunted down in the woods? Stick to my principles and put on the red and pray that one of them manages to give me a child?
Those were the stupid options. She isn't stupid. They saw that. And then she made herself look like she was also trustworthy, when she -
Well.
Are you pretending it didn't happen? her reflection asks her, a mocking smile on its face. I thought you were braver than that.
Very well, she talks back to it. Let's confess our sins again – how fitting – let's confirm that we reported them as traitors and unbelievers and then made jolly sure we were out when the safe house was raided -
Let's confirm that Darrell died trying to buy the others some time and Sally killed herself once she saw everything was lost and Irene did so once she saw we'd never let her have music again and Mary-Lou is here, now, and you've made her hate you, you didn't think that was possible -
And Betty is here too and she is just waiting for you to crack and admit you care after all -
And the problem with Betty has always been that she will never back down. That the two of them have always spurred each other on to greater heights. And so her presence here, in the Red Centre, in the gymnasium or the classrooms or the abandoned science lab, is escalating the situation to a degree that Alicia wouldn't have thought possible before. (She is learning that the human body can go through more than she thought possible, too. But she never cared much about learning, either, and so this is of mild interest only. By now, anyway.)
On the other hand, it's an excellent way of proving her loyalty to Gilead. She's not stupid, remember? She knows perfectly well that they ensured her former friends were brought to the same place she was stationed, to test her resolve. And had it just been Mary-Lou, she might not have been able to – but Betty, who is as strong as she is, is almost doing her a favour. It's all right. Use me as proof. I can take it.
Alicia shakes her head. You keep lying to yourself even when you thought all pretense had been burnt away. She always takes the time to check her reflection, though, to prove she can still look herself in the face. And because the privilege of being allowed a mirror is just one of the things she sold her soul for.
[Title] Through the Looking Glass
[Fandom] Malory Towers/The Handmaid's Tale
[Rating] PG-13 for vague mentions of torture and character death
[Notes/Summary] Alicia reflects on being on the winning side.
It is funny, Alicia thinks, as she straightens her veil in front of the mirror, that she, Don't-Care-Alicia, has ended up on the side of the righteous.
Well, it's not actually that funny. It's obvious to anyone with a brain that the majority of those on the winning side aren't there because they are true believers but because they're not stupid and they saw which way the wind was blowing. Or they like the power and the control. But not because they genuinely believe they're doing good. Not really.
She herself knows full well she's no longer on the side of the angels.
Oh, she asks her reflection as she waits for it to blink, what was I supposed to do? Make a stand and be declared Unwoman? Flee across the border and end up being hunted down in the woods? Stick to my principles and put on the red and pray that one of them manages to give me a child?
Those were the stupid options. She isn't stupid. They saw that. And then she made herself look like she was also trustworthy, when she -
Well.
Are you pretending it didn't happen? her reflection asks her, a mocking smile on its face. I thought you were braver than that.
Very well, she talks back to it. Let's confess our sins again – how fitting – let's confirm that we reported them as traitors and unbelievers and then made jolly sure we were out when the safe house was raided -
Let's confirm that Darrell died trying to buy the others some time and Sally killed herself once she saw everything was lost and Irene did so once she saw we'd never let her have music again and Mary-Lou is here, now, and you've made her hate you, you didn't think that was possible -
And Betty is here too and she is just waiting for you to crack and admit you care after all -
And the problem with Betty has always been that she will never back down. That the two of them have always spurred each other on to greater heights. And so her presence here, in the Red Centre, in the gymnasium or the classrooms or the abandoned science lab, is escalating the situation to a degree that Alicia wouldn't have thought possible before. (She is learning that the human body can go through more than she thought possible, too. But she never cared much about learning, either, and so this is of mild interest only. By now, anyway.)
On the other hand, it's an excellent way of proving her loyalty to Gilead. She's not stupid, remember? She knows perfectly well that they ensured her former friends were brought to the same place she was stationed, to test her resolve. And had it just been Mary-Lou, she might not have been able to – but Betty, who is as strong as she is, is almost doing her a favour. It's all right. Use me as proof. I can take it.
Alicia shakes her head. You keep lying to yourself even when you thought all pretense had been burnt away. She always takes the time to check her reflection, though, to prove she can still look herself in the face. And because the privilege of being allowed a mirror is just one of the things she sold her soul for.