tallulahgs: Insouciant Raito (Insouciant Raito)
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my true love sent to me

seven Cupid's arrows


[Title] Heartstopper
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Raito Yagami has always known how to use Cupid's arrows for his own ends.



Raito Yagami is fourteen. A girl left a note in his shoe locker, asking him to meet her after school. He's wary in case it's a joke, or a trick. He understands girls pretty well, but he doesn't spend as much time with them. He's conscious of gaps in his knowledge.

But this girl – one from his class, clutching her bookbag, blushing, staring at her feet – wants only to tell him that she likes him, and to ask whether maybe, if, maybe... He watches her and he finds himself angry, wondering why she expects him to care, why she cares. They've not said more than a few words to each other in class. All she knows of him is what she's seen. And he certainly doesn't care about her, and how is he supposed to tell her that without becoming the bad guy? How dare she put him in this position?

Stalling for time, caught off-balance, he says something to that effect, that they barely know each other. She blushes even more, and mumbles that she knows he's a nice guy. Because she saw him offering to help Iwasaki with maths even though they all know she's terrible at it and it'd be a waste of time. And he didn't do it to get a look down her shirt or put his hand on her leg accidentally-on-purpose. “You were just... nice,” she says. “I knew then.”

Raito had offered his help because he could feel everyone else wanting to scream when Iwasaki asked another stupid question and it would be a simple way of earning the class's gratitude. It had certainly never occurred to him to try and sneak a touch or a grope. Iwasaki was boring and stupid. She didn't become less so because she had a chest. But this girl is talking about it as if it were one shining moment. Arrow to the heart. That's when he first realises.

***




Spaceland is cold and noisy and Raito tries not to think of how much he wishes Yuri had taken up his suggestion to abandon the date. Most girls should have been too terrified after an attempted busjacking to want to go anywhere but home, but Yuri clutches his arm and shrieks with glee at each ride and spends a ridiculous amount of time trying to win a large teddy bear. It's beginning to look as if the entire day will be nothing more than a light-hearted adventure for her. And if she uses it to brag to the other girls, then he's potentially in a lot of difficulty.

When they're standing on a chilly viewing platform, resting their arms on the railings and gazing out over Tokyo, he says, “Doesn't it make you feel small, looking at all of it like this?”

He feels exactly the opposite, in fact – he feels as if he is looking down on a circuit or a jigsaw puzzle – but she sighs and nods, breathes condensed air over the skyscrapers.

He shakes his head. “I can't believe we're alive, to be honest. When he pulled out that gun...”

Yuri shudders. “And you getting caught with that note. God. If he hadn't started... tripping out or whatever... and you were just so calm, I thought I was going to have a heart attack and you were so calm...”

Easy. Too easy. He hunches his shoulders, stares at the cloudy city, lets his voice roughen a little. “I didn't feel calm. I kept thinking about... about you. If he'd hurt you, I don't... I don't know what I'd have done...”

She catches her breath. He glances at her while she's staring at the city. She's got tears in her eyes.

“Well,” she says at last, swallowing, “he didn't. And he didn't hurt you. Which I'm... I'm really glad about. Because if he had, I... I don't know what I'd have done, either.”

Direct hit.

Raito tells her he didn't expect any of it to turn out like this, that he needs it to be their secret, safe in their hearts. Lets her fill in the blanks. For the rest of the term, he can catch her gaze across the classroom and she will always smile back at him, softly, secretive. She never tells anyone about their date. After they graduate, he replies to a few of her texts and then after a while, deletes them unread.

***




The air is cold and the sky is fat and white and the woman, this FBI agent, stands out against the grey streets like a crow. Raito lets himself stumble over words, gives her hope and idealism. He holds out faith. He believes that Kira will be defeated and he sees it reflected back at him in her eyes.

But even in victory she wrongfoots him.

No, are the words behind her words, even as she holds out her driving license with trembling fingers, even as she puts her neck in his noose. It wasn't faith in you. It's faith in L. Someone else's arrow in her heart already. Raito looks into her eyes and tells her who he really is, just to wrench it out.

***




Intelligent people take precautions against attacks of this nature, and that's why Takada is a fool. Raito longs to tell her, sometimes, when they're walking through the campus or sitting next to each other in lectures and she is holding her head high, bathing in her own confidence, her own self-belief. Scoring a successful hit on her was so simple.

He met her gaze in the lecture, smiled at her when she gave a perfect answer, but didn't wait behind after class to see her. She expects men to pay her attention. She's readying to shoot them down. He devotes a little time to reading up on the material they'll be covering, just enough to sound like he knows more than she does. But never, ever does he step on her toes with it. When she walks over to him in the sunlight and asks him out, she thinks she's doing him a favour. He throws her the odd compliment on her intelligence, a few faint references to her beauty. All this while he has far more pressing matters to occupy his time, and she never notices a thing. Much later, she'll bleed out from the heart, but someone who prizes themselves that much on their intelligence should never have let themselves get to that point.

***




Misa will make you believe in the myth of Cupid if anyone will. Raito can't even pinpoint the moment when she would have first laid eyes on him. Whenever it was, he would have been smiling and listening and playing the part of the sociable college student. She was looking for something entirely different. She was looking for someone who stopped hearts.

At first Raito thinks she is faking it, that she loves the idea of loving him. And perhaps that is all it is, but it's not all, it's as deep-rooted as real love of a person would be. And he doesn't know what she saw. What she sees. As time passes, she sees more of him than anyone else (except perhaps Ryuzaki, whose heart is doubtless impervious to arrows and would know exactly what was going on anyway). She stabbed the point of the arrow so deep into her heart that in the end, both of them forget that it's there.

***




If Raito had thought about it at all, he had assumed that he already had Matsuda's heart. Matsuda was devoted to his father and Matsuda is devoted to him and Matsuda closes his ears to anything the rest of the task force says if it is a suspicion of Raito. Matsuda is also useless. Raito saw no reason why he should waste ammunition.

Now his hands are covered in blood and Matsuda is the one levelling a weapon at him and Raito knows he can draw an arrow and shoot with his eyes closed but his hand hurts so much and his fingers won't stop trembling.

Line after line. That Kira is righteous. Kira is needed. That Matsuda should remember what Raito's father died for. Each arrow falls flat as if they were never fired. Or perhaps it's too late. If you rip the arrow out, then perhaps you can't be caught again.

And then Matsuda pulls the trigger as if he knows it's kill or be killed. Bullets have no subtlety to them. They work the same on everyone.

***





Shinigami don't have hearts. You could fill Ryuk with arrows and he'd only laugh. Raito forgets this. And then with one move, Ryuk has turned his own weapons back on him, and his heart is stopping as if every arrow he ever fired is coming back to find its owner.

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