Death Note fanfiction
Nov. 6th, 2008 09:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tallulahgs[Title] Dark Woods
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG, maybe slight PG-13
[Pairings/Characters] Matsuda/Raito, Ryuk
[Warnings] Deliberately disjointed
[Word Count] 1414
I wish I'd had a few days more to work on this, but I have poor time management, so I don't. Ah, well. Written for and crossposted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
dn_contest, prompt "addiction".
If the Chief had still been alive, it would've been completely different. They would've been guilty. Matsuda's own shame would've shown on his face and Raito would have whispered and not met his eyes and begged him not to tell. But the Chief is dead, and that shouldn't have happened but it did, and so Matsuda tells himself that they're both grown-up now and that it doesn't matter, when you're grown-up you always make the right choices.
***
Matsuda falls asleep on the couch too much. When people ask why, he says it's just because he dozes off too easily and always misses the last train. He says he never notices that he's falling asleep, he doesn't realise what he's done until the next morning when he wakes up with a sore neck and the sun in his eyes.
He didn't used to lie at all, but this lie, which is so small, is surprisingly easy. He always feels his eyes closing and the strength seeping out of him, the pleasant ache as he slumps back on the couch and he knows he could move and leave and wait half an hour and fall asleep in his own, cold, bed, but he remains still, smothers his yawns, focuses on work until the typed letters blur and then he finds himself dreaming and reading reports that tell him things he knows can't be true.
***
He's always been picky about apples. He only likes the crunchy, sour ones; can't stand those which are mushy and powdery on your tongue. It's always the reddest ones which are like that; the ones you'd think would be the nicest.
Ryuk is chomping his way through a bowl of them; by now he doesn't even stop to examine each piece of fruit before he flings it into his mouth. Every so often, Matsuda feels flecks of juice spatter his face.
"Don't you care whether they're bruised or anything?" he says, because it beats working.
Ryuk stops, gulping down a mouthful, and stares at him. "Why would I?"
"Bruises taste mouldy."
"I wouldn't notice," Ryuk says, reaching for another apple. "Shinigami aren't that interested in how things taste."
"Then why -"
"Just how things feel. These are all juicy enough."
***
Sometimes in the night the HQ doesn't seem like a real place and Matsuda thinks that if he turned a different corner he'd be walking through somewhere completely different, like perhaps a forest lined with dark trees and strange stones, or rooms full of black wood and incense, or maybe just deep fog that could be hiding anything. To step out from under the lights. Ryuk's presence doesn't help. Ryuk is the monster from under the bed they told you doesn't exist, who can walk through walls and kill you once he's looked you full in the face, and the HQ smells of half-fermented apple.
***
He starts waking up on the couch to find himself covered with a blanket. Raito looks amused when he blinks, offers him coffee.
***
The others don't call Ryuk by his name. They stick with it, or the shinigami, or shinigami-san if they have to address him directly. Matsuda wonders if they're all too freaked out to remember the name. None of them would ever admit it, though, would they? And he's normally the one who gets upset by things like corpses and murders and danger that he should be taking in his stride.
He's not freaked out by Ryuk, he's...
***
He lies on the couch and looks up at the empty ceiling and thinks that it's beginning to look like this case will finally be over. That thought's so weird he can't quite picture it. It's sort of like the first time you change schools. Of course life will go on but how exactly, like, what will you do, who will you eat lunch with, won't you ever even think of, it will it all be memories.
Probably it'll just stop. Kira'll turn out to be some, some sad weirdo living in a basement somewhere and, of course they won't be able to tell anyone, and people will probably be mad Kira's gone, and
(it isn't like they'll learn, is it? Any of them)
He wanted to be a hero and take out the bad guys, once.
***
He wakes from a dream he can't remember, but he was yelling a lot, and he was in the Yagami family's house. Anyway. It's two a.m., and he's sleeping on the couch, and he gets up and goes to get a drink of water, and the world is shifting in the dark and in the too-bright kitchen, Raito is already there.
***
He's not freaked out by Ryuk, he's... curious. After all, shinigami aren't meant to be real, and wouldn't you be fascinated? He can't understand why the rest of the task force aren't. It isn't like Ryuk seems to mean them any harm.
***
You are not meant to be thinking about sex this much once you're closer to thirty than twenty-five and he's constantly hot and constantly wondering if, if, if he could ask to talk to Raito alone, if he could ask Raito to help him bring the coffee, and how come Raito manages to act so normal, so calm? At night he grips Matsuda's shoulders and gasps and shakes under Matsuda's hands and begs and begs and Matsuda has never felt so special and he doesn't want to give that up, and so he carries on thinking.
***
One time, one time he opens his eyes for a second, his palms hot on Raito's bare back, and he sees Ryuk on the other side of the room with the shadows drifting over his face. The shock kicks his heart and thrusts right through him and he notices that Ryuk's eyes, in the darkness, are red.
Faster. Faster.
"Raito," he begins, dry-mouthed, but Raito just hisses back, "It's all right, it's fine, please -" and Matsuda can't make them stop, not now, he can't.
And Ryuk doesn't think Matsuda is doing anything wrong.
Raito explains afterwards that he didn't notice the shinigami was there.
***
Matsuda always thought of apples as good, boring fruit. You know, the healthy stuff your mother makes you eat. No one eats apples for fun. But Ryuk's not human, and Matsuda sees him shudder and uncurl as he munches, and the sweet, sickly smell of mouldering fruit is drowsy and everything is making Matsuda think of sex right now but...
And that night he kisses Raito and Raito tastes of apples and Matsuda knows he's never going to think of them as good again.
***
"Doesn't it get boring?" Ryuk demands, sitting on the back of the couch and drumming his feet against it. Matsuda feels the vibrations and thinks how weird it is that if he hadn't touched the notebook then Ryuk could be doing the exact same thing and he'd never know.
"I mean," Ryuk continues, "it's the same every time."
It's twilight and no one else is around. The room is full of darkness.
"You're not human," Matsuda says. "You wouldn't understand."
Ryuk laughs and laughs and then he says, "Come on. Is it like apples? You gotta have it or you feel like you're gonna die?"
"Don't be stupid. Humans don't need sex like that. Do you really need apples like that?" He reaches up to snatch away the apple in Ryuk's clawed hand.
"Yup. Just ask Kira." Ryuk laughs some more, and yanks the apple back.
"Well... it's not the same. Humans can go without for ages, if they have to."
Ryuk leans back over the couch, his teeth almost brushing Matsuda's ear, and whispers, "But now it's different. Isn't it?"
***
Matsuda knows he's not doing anything wrong, but still, he doesn't tell anyone.
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG, maybe slight PG-13
[Pairings/Characters] Matsuda/Raito, Ryuk
[Warnings] Deliberately disjointed
[Word Count] 1414
I wish I'd had a few days more to work on this, but I have poor time management, so I don't. Ah, well. Written for and crossposted to
dn_contest, prompt "addiction".If the Chief had still been alive, it would've been completely different. They would've been guilty. Matsuda's own shame would've shown on his face and Raito would have whispered and not met his eyes and begged him not to tell. But the Chief is dead, and that shouldn't have happened but it did, and so Matsuda tells himself that they're both grown-up now and that it doesn't matter, when you're grown-up you always make the right choices.
***
Matsuda falls asleep on the couch too much. When people ask why, he says it's just because he dozes off too easily and always misses the last train. He says he never notices that he's falling asleep, he doesn't realise what he's done until the next morning when he wakes up with a sore neck and the sun in his eyes.
He didn't used to lie at all, but this lie, which is so small, is surprisingly easy. He always feels his eyes closing and the strength seeping out of him, the pleasant ache as he slumps back on the couch and he knows he could move and leave and wait half an hour and fall asleep in his own, cold, bed, but he remains still, smothers his yawns, focuses on work until the typed letters blur and then he finds himself dreaming and reading reports that tell him things he knows can't be true.
***
He's always been picky about apples. He only likes the crunchy, sour ones; can't stand those which are mushy and powdery on your tongue. It's always the reddest ones which are like that; the ones you'd think would be the nicest.
Ryuk is chomping his way through a bowl of them; by now he doesn't even stop to examine each piece of fruit before he flings it into his mouth. Every so often, Matsuda feels flecks of juice spatter his face.
"Don't you care whether they're bruised or anything?" he says, because it beats working.
Ryuk stops, gulping down a mouthful, and stares at him. "Why would I?"
"Bruises taste mouldy."
"I wouldn't notice," Ryuk says, reaching for another apple. "Shinigami aren't that interested in how things taste."
"Then why -"
"Just how things feel. These are all juicy enough."
***
Sometimes in the night the HQ doesn't seem like a real place and Matsuda thinks that if he turned a different corner he'd be walking through somewhere completely different, like perhaps a forest lined with dark trees and strange stones, or rooms full of black wood and incense, or maybe just deep fog that could be hiding anything. To step out from under the lights. Ryuk's presence doesn't help. Ryuk is the monster from under the bed they told you doesn't exist, who can walk through walls and kill you once he's looked you full in the face, and the HQ smells of half-fermented apple.
***
He starts waking up on the couch to find himself covered with a blanket. Raito looks amused when he blinks, offers him coffee.
***
The others don't call Ryuk by his name. They stick with it, or the shinigami, or shinigami-san if they have to address him directly. Matsuda wonders if they're all too freaked out to remember the name. None of them would ever admit it, though, would they? And he's normally the one who gets upset by things like corpses and murders and danger that he should be taking in his stride.
He's not freaked out by Ryuk, he's...
***
He lies on the couch and looks up at the empty ceiling and thinks that it's beginning to look like this case will finally be over. That thought's so weird he can't quite picture it. It's sort of like the first time you change schools. Of course life will go on but how exactly, like, what will you do, who will you eat lunch with, won't you ever even think of, it will it all be memories.
Probably it'll just stop. Kira'll turn out to be some, some sad weirdo living in a basement somewhere and, of course they won't be able to tell anyone, and people will probably be mad Kira's gone, and
(it isn't like they'll learn, is it? Any of them)
He wanted to be a hero and take out the bad guys, once.
***
He wakes from a dream he can't remember, but he was yelling a lot, and he was in the Yagami family's house. Anyway. It's two a.m., and he's sleeping on the couch, and he gets up and goes to get a drink of water, and the world is shifting in the dark and in the too-bright kitchen, Raito is already there.
***
He's not freaked out by Ryuk, he's... curious. After all, shinigami aren't meant to be real, and wouldn't you be fascinated? He can't understand why the rest of the task force aren't. It isn't like Ryuk seems to mean them any harm.
***
You are not meant to be thinking about sex this much once you're closer to thirty than twenty-five and he's constantly hot and constantly wondering if, if, if he could ask to talk to Raito alone, if he could ask Raito to help him bring the coffee, and how come Raito manages to act so normal, so calm? At night he grips Matsuda's shoulders and gasps and shakes under Matsuda's hands and begs and begs and Matsuda has never felt so special and he doesn't want to give that up, and so he carries on thinking.
***
One time, one time he opens his eyes for a second, his palms hot on Raito's bare back, and he sees Ryuk on the other side of the room with the shadows drifting over his face. The shock kicks his heart and thrusts right through him and he notices that Ryuk's eyes, in the darkness, are red.
Faster. Faster.
"Raito," he begins, dry-mouthed, but Raito just hisses back, "It's all right, it's fine, please -" and Matsuda can't make them stop, not now, he can't.
And Ryuk doesn't think Matsuda is doing anything wrong.
Raito explains afterwards that he didn't notice the shinigami was there.
***
Matsuda always thought of apples as good, boring fruit. You know, the healthy stuff your mother makes you eat. No one eats apples for fun. But Ryuk's not human, and Matsuda sees him shudder and uncurl as he munches, and the sweet, sickly smell of mouldering fruit is drowsy and everything is making Matsuda think of sex right now but...
And that night he kisses Raito and Raito tastes of apples and Matsuda knows he's never going to think of them as good again.
***
"Doesn't it get boring?" Ryuk demands, sitting on the back of the couch and drumming his feet against it. Matsuda feels the vibrations and thinks how weird it is that if he hadn't touched the notebook then Ryuk could be doing the exact same thing and he'd never know.
"I mean," Ryuk continues, "it's the same every time."
It's twilight and no one else is around. The room is full of darkness.
"You're not human," Matsuda says. "You wouldn't understand."
Ryuk laughs and laughs and then he says, "Come on. Is it like apples? You gotta have it or you feel like you're gonna die?"
"Don't be stupid. Humans don't need sex like that. Do you really need apples like that?" He reaches up to snatch away the apple in Ryuk's clawed hand.
"Yup. Just ask Kira." Ryuk laughs some more, and yanks the apple back.
"Well... it's not the same. Humans can go without for ages, if they have to."
Ryuk leans back over the couch, his teeth almost brushing Matsuda's ear, and whispers, "But now it's different. Isn't it?"
***
Matsuda knows he's not doing anything wrong, but still, he doesn't tell anyone.
