tallulahgs

At some point I will make a post that contains something other than fic, but now is not this point.

[Title] Drained
[Fandom] Torchwood
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Ficlet about Gwen's reaction to the events of They Keep Killing Suzie. Thanks to

rushikayu13 for the inspiration.

The bathroom was full of steam and smelt of lavender. Gwen lay back in the hot water, but she didn't close her eyes.

God, she was so tired.

don't

Her hair was damp and sticking to her skull. She sat up, suddenly, stared down at herself, at her body looking oddly little and pale under the water. Wriggled her toes.

Outside, the darkness pressed against the damp window.

don't think about it.

She stood up, stepped out of the bath, reached for a towel. So tired. Pulled the plug, and the water began to rush away.

She was hot and tired and damp and she could feel the warm air as she drew every breath into her lungs, but underneath it all, there was just cold. And the darkness, and what was in it.

[Title] Candles
[Rating] G
[Word Count] 1069
[Pairings/Characters] Misa. Also, Raito, Misa's mother and an OC priest.
[Notes] Misa visits a church and thinks about prayer. Written for

dn_contest, prompt "Billie Jean" (as in, the Michael Jackson song. To be exact, the lines be careful who you love/be careful what you do/cause a lie becomes the truth)

Misa had always liked churches.

They could be hard to find, but she was always gleeful when she did track one down - especially a proper old church with stone arches and high ceilings and stained glass glowing with sunlight. She would walk inside and she would wander about and sit by the rows of candles or on a pew in the front row and always feel like she could hear choirs, far away, even if the building was empty.

She saw the church spire on the horizon, when she'd only popped out to buy Raito something nice to eat, something to celebrate them still only just being a proper living-together couple. She'd seen the church and she'd hurried over to it, part of her wishing she could bring Raito (because they were a couple for real now and couples should do couple things like visit beautiful buildings) but part of her glad that even after everything that had happened, she was still her, still able to enjoy slightly odd things like churches.

She pushed open the door - it didn't creak - and walked inside, and smiled. It was just the kind of church she liked. At one end hung a wide stained glass window, and sunlight fell right through it and across the flagstones of the aisle, dotted with shapes of crimson. The air smelt slightly dusty, but clean - like the smell of old books. And there was a rack of candles by one wall. She walked over to them, and watched the flames blink and flicker. She was wearing two crucifixes. She matched this place.

She stood staring for some time, and then, eventually, someone else spoke:

"Are you all right there? You're welcome to light a candle, if you'd like to."

Misa jumped. It was only a priest, though, and so she relaxed a bit and said, "It's okay, I was just looking. They're so pretty."

He nodded, said, "There's something about a small light in the darkness, isn't there?"

Misa thought of Raito, only writing down a name, and of that man just falling down dead on the steps of his apartment block an hour after he got back from the trial. And nodded.

How did you two meet? her friends ask her.

"I think it can be comforting to have a physical manifestation of prayer," the priest said.

"Prayer?"

"Yes - people like to light a candle and say a prayer. Ah... perhaps for a loved one, or as thanks, or simply to represent their faith."

Misa bit her lip, felt small and silly suddenly. "I... I thought you guys lit them. For decoration. I didn't..." But she was Misa-Misa, she was going to be famous, she was in love with Kira, and so she flicked back her pigtails and said, "But it's okay. Misa doesn't need to say any prayers. Uh - no offence."

"It's all right," said the priest. "Please, don't let me stop you just looking at them."

Misa nodded, watched him walk away, and put out a hand towards the candles. The heat was stronger than you'd expect, and it almost hurt her palm.

Misa doesn't need any prayers. Raito doesn't need her good wishes, he's doing fine on his own, and everyone else is dead. Ryuzaki is dead, and Raito is in love with Misa, and he's never going to leave her because -

because he loves her, right?

The candles blinked again. Each sat in its own silver dish, and each dish was flooded with clear wax. Hot tears.

Misa felt like someone, or the building, was judging her; maybe the faces on the walls or in the windows. She wanted to say, listen. After Mum and Dad died, I couldn't keep thinking about them, could I? Laugh a little. Misa would have gone crazy. So I just switched all the thoughts off. It was easy. Really, it makes stuff a lot simpler all round. She could still make plans. She was good at making plans. But that was different. That wasn't reflecting. In her head, she only looked at things by candlelight, which hid all the stuff you didn't want to see.

It certainly made it easier when they locked me up in the dark.

And when she wrote down the first name.

And when she was lying in bed alone and Raito hadn't talked to her all day.

How did you two meet?

In this church, she couldn't hear choirs. She could only hear her mother - whose voice she hadn't let herself hear for ages - chattering away as she pulled Misa's hair into pigtails. You ought to be careful of who you love. Someone who loves you as much as you love them.

But you could just pretend that you both loved each other the same. If you pretend long enough, it'll turn out to be real, right?

Now don't be silly. A final tug on each pigtail to make them neat. Even when lies become the truth, they're never really real.

Besides. Besides, she didn't want to talk to someone else's god. She and Raito were going to make themselves gods instead. Or at least, Raito was, and she was going to be with him forever, because that was what he needed.

(But she would've settled for a life without all the death.)

But in the end, she did light a candle, taking flame from one of the ones already burning. The wick turned black and her own flame trailed out like a flag, sending smoke twisting up past her eyes and into the darkness under the stone. She didn't exactly say a prayer. She just stood, for once, letting herself think, and then she blew the candle out, and the light disappeared as if it had never been there.

She turned and left and once she was outside again she switched off the thoughts and carried on to the supermarket.

Raito could make lies be truth if he wanted, and so she would too. It wasn't dangerous if you knew you were doing it.

But perhaps she wouldn't come back to this church.