On the sixth day of Christmas

[tallulahgs]

[Title] Girl Talk
[Fandom] Battle Royale (novel)
[Rating] R for violence, language and mentions of sex
[Notes/Summary] Mitsuko confronts Mayumi Tendo with the secrets she knows.



The breeze swept through the orange trees and the leaves rustled and the grass twitched and Mayumi saw that the gun she was holding out in front of her was trembling too.

Mitsuko wasn't trembling. She smiled at Mayumi and crossed her arms and said, "Actually, there is always something I've wanted to know."

Her smile grew even sweeter as she said, "You work the sex lines, but you've never had a boyfriend. Why is that?"

Mayumi wanted to panic. She wanted to believe that things were still normal enough that Mitsuko knowing her dirty little secret was the biggest problem in her life. But it wasn't working. She knew the biggest problem in her life right now was everyone on this island trying to kill her. And her second biggest problem was the way she kept remembering how Kaori Minami's skull had burst open at the back and the screaming had stopped. She kept remembering it when anyone smart would shrug and move on because this was the Program and it was kill or be killed.

Her third biggest problem was that she suspected that Mitsuko had probably killed at least one person already, and didn't care at all. That didn't suggest things were going to go well.

No... all in all, the stuff about the phone sex really wasn't a big deal right now.

She shrugged. "Maybe I do. Maybe I just felt like dating someone outside Class B. You'd know about that, right?"

"Maybe," Mitsuko said. "Maybe you want to keep any... friends with benefits secret. Like, you get off on the way everyone thinks you're just another one of those sweet innocent little virgins. Maybe you think Yukie and the others won't like you if you don't pretend you're just the same as them. Or maybe..."

"Why are we talking about me?" Mayumi asked. Her fingers were sweating. It was probably the height of Battle Royale dorkiness to have to regrip your gun because your palms were too clammy. Actually, it was pretty dorky to trade words like this rather than just pulling the trigger already. Perhaps she was just paranoid that if she did, Hardcore Souma would split down the middle into some kind of evil demon and tear her head off. You didn't just walk up to Mitsuko and win the fight. She was always playing an angle.

Mitsuko smirked like she knew what Mayumi was thinking. "Hey, I'm trying to be friendly. I think maybe we've got stuff in common. We both know what guys can be like. Don't we? I mean..."

She took a step forward and Mayumi screamed at herself shoot her, just shoot her but now her hands were really clammy, it felt like if she moved the gun would slide out of her fingers.

"I mean," Mitsuko said, "you must have some of them tell you all the things they can't tell their girlfriends. Spell out exactly what they want to do to you. And it's always the same... what's that about, anyway? They tell you how they want to come on your face. Fuck you to death. Cut you open." Another step. "Shit on you. Give you to their friends. You know. And so... and so when you look at all these nice guys and they leave you love letters or ask you to go to the fucking ice-cream parlour, you know what they really want."

They stared at each other.

"C'mon," Mitsuko said. "Doesn't it piss you off? All the bullshit? So you figured you won't let anyone get closer than the other end of a phone line. Me... I let them get much closer than that." She let her arms drop, clasped her hands behind her. "Then... that's the fun part."

Mayumi stared and stared and wondered what sort of freak didn't find a kindred spirit until they were in the midst of the Program. Oh, she knew Mitsuko was exaggerating. A lot of the guys just wanted her to tell them what she was touching and what she was wearing while she did it. But you still felt like you were going nuts. Hearing voices no one else could hear.

She opened her mouth and she said, "Maybe I don't need anyone to get close."

Mitsuko moved so fast Mayumi didn't even see what really happened. Just that the other girl was whipping something out from behind her back, and - something slammed into Mayumi's head, sent her flying, and - a cut on her head, and then, all at once, lots of blood, soft and warm on her forehead, clotting on her eyelashes.

"No," Mitsuko said. From far away, she stamped on Mayumi's hand, and Mayumi let the gun go with an odd feeling of relief. Mitsuko was kneeling down next to her, bloodstained sickle just visible in her right hand. "But you need to get close to them. You see now?"

At least, Mayumi thought, as Mitsuko raised the sickle again, she hadn't been suckered by a lie.



[Title] Sidekicks
[Fandom] Death Note/Doctor Who
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] For lycoris, who asked for Matsuda meeting Rory Pond.



From outside the bar, there was a low growl, and the barrier of chairs, tables, and pachinko machines trembled a little. Rory eyed it suspiciously, but it seemed to be holding up. He gripped the pool cue tighter, anyway.

"I knew it," he said aloud, to no one in particular, because of course Amy and the Doctor would still be at the Tokyo Tower, no doubt right in the thick of the alien menace, and far too busy to go on a pub crawl to track down the third member of their team. "I knew thinking this would be a simple sightseeing trip was a mistake."

"Hey, at least you're on holiday," the guy next to him said. "I only went out to buy some doughnuts. I was meant to be back at work two hours ago."

"Surely they'll understand," Rory said. "I mean... it certainly sounds like those things are all over the city."

"You don't know my boss," the guy said, grimacing. He looked about Rory's age, worried, and like he didn't quite know what he was doing in a suit. Rory was reminded of his first job as a proper nurse, and how he'd probably said sorry more in the first ten minutes than he had in the preceding year.

"He probably thinks this is all quite interesting," the guy carried on. "And he'll really be wanting these doughnuts." He opened the white cardboard box on his lap, glanced at the doughnuts inside, and sighed.

"Your boss sounds like a sociopath," Rory offered, even though what he really wanted to say was like the Doctor.

"Oh, no, no, he's not like that! He's just... unusual. He doesn't really act like... well, like anyone else I've ever met, really. I dunno, he's really smart... maybe if you're really smart, then you don't have the brain to spare for stuff like wearing socks."

"Yeah?" Rory said, interested despite the barrier shuddering again. "I've got a... a mate like that. He does wear socks, though. But his reaction to anything dangerous is usually to walk up to it going you're so beautiful."

The other man laughed. "Ha, really? My boss would probably know exactly what it was and how to get rid of it. Or, you know, he'd have planned everything out beforehand. That's why..." He sighed. "That's why I reckon he's not going to be very impressed when I show up. He'll be all why didn't you do this or that like it was obvious."

"Well, from watching my friend, I can tell you that even the smart people don't usually know it all right away. They... think on their feet. It's just that they manage to have the right thoughts." There was another growl from outside. Rory didn't particularly want to think about what would happen if the barriers didn't hold. Or what might be happening to Amy if she'd got separated from the Doctor. So he swallowed, and said, "So... do you face a lot of danger at work, then?"

"Oh! No, I just... well..." The other man shifted, glancing away. "Well, okay, I'm a police officer, so yeah, I guess it can be dangerous. But it's not anything weird. Nothing like this. What - what do you do? I mean, you seem pretty calm considering the, you know, mini-Godzillas."

"Oh, I'm a nurse. I just... stuff seems to... happen to my friend a lot, and I'm always there trying not to get killed by it."

"That sounds familiar." The guy grinned, rubbed the back of his head. "I stayed - I mean, I joined the police because I wanted to be all heroic, you know? Make a difference. But to be honest, it feels more just like I'm trying not to die. I want to be one of the smart guys who save the day, but I'm starting to figure that's... not going to work."

"Being someone who follows along and tries not to die can be all right." Rory considered that he wasn't actually succeeding at the not-dying part, but his companion didn't need to hear that. Or that being the at-least-he's-still-alive-this-time sidekick wasn't always what you'd call fun. "I suppose. I don't think there's much else I could be, at any rate." He could wear a bow tie and talk a lot, but it would only be him underneath. And, of course, there was Amy. Amy had always been able to look right through him.

"I... I guess not." The guy sighed, but then his face brightened, like he couldn't remain pessimistic for long. "Hey, if we both get out of this, we should go for a drink or something. Sidekicks together!"

"You mean... if the geniuses show up and get us out of this. And we know that'll happen, because it always does, right?"

"Right. Drinks all round!" The police officer absently opened the box and started munching on one of the doughnuts. "Want one?" Rory shrugged, and decided there were worst possibly-last meals.



[Title] In Mourning
[Fandom] Doctor Who, set between the two halves of 2011's season
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] For lycoris, who gave me the prompt "Amy/Rory, cuddling".



Amy cuddles him more these days.

Once, Rory was frustrated by being given nothing but hugs like he was just another one of her friends.

Later on, Amy took his hand whenever they fled the day's monsters, and almost every night she wrapped her arms and legs round him and gave him mind-blowing orgasms in a ship that could travel through time and space. He found himself wishing that she didn't get so impatient about things like curling up on the sofa to watch TV, or walking along with his arm round her. (Then he wondered if, somewhere amongst all the crazy adventures, he'd actually handed in his membership of the male species without noticing.)

Now, often, she puts her arms round him, rests her head on his chest, and stares blankly at the opposite wall like she's considering whether to cry or not. He strokes her hair and her back and sometimes he asks what's wrong? but she never answers, and besides, they both know. She tells him at other times, when he's in the middle of cooking or she's just about to hurry out of the door.

I didn't even think I wanted kids. But if I was going to have one, I was going to be a proper mum. Sometimes, defensively, I would've done all the things you have to, okay?

And then, sometimes, And you would've been a great dad to her, I know it but Rory doesn't want to think about that, so he spills sauce or reminds her she's running late or just stays silent until she turns away. Perhaps she's okay with that, though. Perhaps that's why she never brings the subject up when they're cuddling, because then they'd have to keep the conversation going.


[Title] The Irritations of Daily Life
[Fandom] Doctor Who (classic/new series crossover)
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Jamie listens to a litany of complaints. Requested by sabethea.



"It's not the running I object to," the Doctor said.

Jamie nearly said nor me, it's the monsters trying to eat us that I don't like but the other man - floppy-haired, proudly straightening his bow tie as though he wanted the Doctor to admire it - was already nodding and saying, "No, the running is fine! It's good for the hearts. It's just the way nobody listens."

"Exactly," the Doctor said. "It's amazing that across the galaxies, throughout all of time and space, people just keep making the same mistakes. Turning into angry mobs -"

"Trying to open the mysterious artefacts -"

"Resorting to cannibalism at the first sign of trouble."

"Proposing live dissection!" The floppy-haired man threw his hands up in despair. "Why are people obsessed with that? For one thing, it's incredibly messy."

"Yes!" The Doctor drew himself up. "And the saddest thing of all is the lack of respect for the recorder as a musical instrument."

"Well, quite. Recorders are cool."

"You know... I think I'll go and see how Zoe's getting on with cracking those codes," Jamie said. Neither man noticed his departure.



[Title] Life as a Banquet
[Fandom] Merlin/Torchwood
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] For sabethea and anbyrobanby, who requested Captain Jack Harkness/Gaius fic.



"I thought you were more interested in Merlin," Gaius said, dryly, much later.

"I was." Jack grinned, his teeth and his skin fresh and clean against the backdrop of old books and guttering candles.

"So I'm a second choice?"

"Think of it more like a... a banquet," Jack said. "You might start off thinking the roast duck is the thing you want to go for, but then it's all the way down the other end of the table and even if you get some, there'll only be hurt feelings from the people who really, really liked it. And then your eye is caught by a joint of beef instead anyway. Not worse... just different."

"I am trying to see the world the way you do," Gaius said, "but it's not easy, I have to admit."

"You think it's easy for me? Sometimes I'm so busy cruising banquets I forget why I came to the castles in the first place." He frowned. "Then something explodes. Or I get stabbed. Or it all goes to hell... literally, in some cases... and then all that's left is to go back to the banquet and try and suppress the memories with trifle."

"How difficult for you," Gaius said, but he was smiling despite himself.


[Title] Focus
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13, maybe R, for violence
[Notes/Summary] Sayu is tired of not knowing the truth, but will Matsuda tell it to her?



With part of her mind - the part that had known she should be able to walk, that it hadn't been her fault she'd been kidnapped, that her father still loved her very much even so - Sayu knows that things are, objectively, not that bad. Her father and her brother are dead, but they died heroes, and the person responsible for their deaths is gone. It's over and she and Mum need to put it behind them and start living like normal people again. There can be no more fits of crying, or curling up in the corner, or hitting your arm against the side of the table just because nothing else feels as much.

Perhaps that's why she's doing this. Perhaps she's trying to draw a line under it all. Make a fresh start.

She huddles on the bare floor, knees to her chest. Cold concrete, scattered earth. Matsuda is still asleep, slumped in the corner. She keeps checking to see that he's breathing. She knows that's dumb, they're just regular sleeping pills, she took them all the time after Los Angeles, but she can't help being paranoid. Like, what if he's allergic, or he's taking some other medicine that means he shouldn't have had these? If he collapses, or stops breathing, what the hell is she supposed to do? Call an ambulance? To the abandoned clinic in the middle of the woods? To minister to the drugged man with his hands and feet tied to the old heating pipes?

You could go to prison, the sensible part of her mind points out. I mean, it's technically kidnapping, right?

Yes, of course. Raito Yagami died in the line of duty, defending the world from a mass murderer, while his stupid little sister killed a police officer without even meaning to. That would be the best ending, wouldn't it?

But Matsuda is still breathing, and it sounds normal, peaceful, and he looks normal too, just another person asleep. Younger, as well; more like he did when he first came over to their house, when she was in junior high. The pills send you down so far you don't dream. She wonders if he has dreams like she does, dreams that leave him feeling exhausted when he wakes up.

For a moment, she wonders, she wonders what if she's wrong? What if there is no secret? What if she has actually gone completely mad and Matsuda has nothing to hide and just pities her? Raito Yagami was the perfect big brother, loved by all who knew him, and his little sister went crazy when he died because she couldn't accept he was gone.

No. If that were the case, if this were all in her head, she'd never have got up the guts to do this. She'd have been too scared to do something this - yes, it is crazy - if she wasn't sure that Matsuda was lying to them. Matsuda, she remembers, talks too much. He says what's in his head. But since Raito died, he has only ever said things like I'm sorry for your loss or if there's anything I can do. He's not saying what's in his head any more. Which means he has thoughts he can't say to them. And that means there's more to all of this. There has to be.

(It's not just Mum crying when she thinks Sayu can't hear, or that one time she said she didn't think she could go on and Sayu wanted to scream what about me? Do I not count now Dad and Raito are dead? It's not just listening to people at college drinking coffee and wishing Kira back to life. It's not just the increasingly mediocre grades, or every thought taking hours to process, or Mum telling her it doesn't matter if she doesn't graduate.)

Matsuda shifts, turns over in his sleep a little. She sees him tense, register that he can't move his arms. He blinks. She takes a deep breath and then she puts her hands to her mouth to breathe out into them, like she did before tests in school. Oh god. Oh god what is she doing -

Matsuda opens his eyes properly, focuses on her. "Sa... Sayu?"

Sayu actually finds her mouth trying to curve into a smile. She clenches her fists, forces her expression into blankness, and gazes at Matsuda while she frantically tries to think what to say. Matsuda would remember that she asked him to come for a walk with her. He would remember that they sat on the steps of the building, and she said to him, I feel like I don't know anything any more and I trust you, Matsuda-san, I know you wouldn't lie to me. He'd probably remember how he bit his lip, turned his face away and started talking determinedly about the weather. He would definitely remember that she handed him a bottle of juice she'd made, and that he'd offered her a sip and she'd refused.

"Sayu-chan," Matsuda says again - and he sounds weary, resigned, as if he's been expecting some kind of disagreement between them for weeks - "what's going on?"

Sayu breathes out again and shifts onto her knees, clasping her hands to try and kid herself they're not shaking.

"I... I wanted to ask you some questions," she says.

"You..." He tries to laugh, but it's forced. "You know I'm always happy to... to talk with you. You didn't have..."

His voice trails off, and they look at each other, and she can see. He's been lying, and he knows that she's worked it out. He's been waiting for this.

"You've been keeping secrets," Sayu says, and she can hear her voice like it's somebody else's now. It's not shaking any more. "It's obvious you know something about - what happened to Raito. And I gave you a chance just now to - to explain stuff to me and you wouldn't. So I thought I'd... I mean, I'm not going to let you walk away until I know you've told me the truth."

She wanted to sound calm and competent. Like a grown-up. In fact, she just sounds like a teenage girl sulking about not being able to go to a party. Suddenly she gets why she decided to do it this way, why she had to pretty much take Matsuda prisoner in order to ask her question. He needs to feel like she's not just Raito's silly, traumatised younger sister, not just some little girl who hasn't even finished college yet. He needs to feel like she's as strong as him, knows as much. Otherwise he just wouldn't tell her. She feels a little bit better, working that out. All she has to do is pretend she's someone competent, and Matsuda will tell her. He'll see how much she needs to know.

"So?" she says, leaning down a little, a stab of excitement in her veins that she can get closer than is polite and no one will call her on it. "Tell me everything, Matsuda-san."

"There isn't anything to tell," he's already interrupting her. "I can... if you want, I can explain how... why Kira killed him, how it happened. It... it was bad luck, really. He..." He stops, swallows. "He saved all our lives."

He looks like he's making himself sick with the lies and Sayu is suddenly furious. How dare he say to her face he's not hiding anything? How dare he think she'll believe it when he's not even trying to convince her?

"You're not listening to me," she says, and her voice sounds choked up because she's so angry. "I don't want to hear all the usual stuff. I don't want you telling me how sorry you are and how tragic it all was. I want to hear the stuff you're keeping to yourself."

"There isn't - there isn't any stuff," Matsuda says, staring fiercely back up at her. "Okay? I'd never lie to you or your mother, I don't know why - why you think I'd do something like that. I'm... if you want to talk about Kira, then... then yeah, we can do that. But you can't just... you should untie me first." He's trying a smile again, like he thinks she needs to be joked out of this. "I... I speak better when..."

Sayu spent a lot of time thinking about what she might have to do. She didn't want to think about it, she felt sick, but she isn't so stupid she can't see that this is an all or nothing enterprise. Either she gets the information out of Matsuda, or she doesn't even start the thing. If he doesn't tell her and she lets him go, he'll tell Mum, and she'll never get a chance to speak alone with him again. She'll probably never be allowed to walk down the street alone again. So she has to do whatever needs doing, even if that means being braver than she's ever been before. So she curls her hand into a fist - thumb outside, remember that - and she thinks about putting all her strength behind her arm (like in tennis, though she was never very good) and she looks at Matsuda and she thinks about Los Angeles and Kira and when she's so full of rage she can't flinch, she slams her fist down and punches him in the face.

It hurts her hand more than she expected - she hears herself gasp - and it probably isn't a very good punch - guys would have had worse - but Matsuda's head is thrown back against the wall and he cries out, so it must have hurt at least a bit. He stares up at her, eyes wide, and she realises that the pain isn't what matters, it's that what she just did was completely unexpected, and now he doesn't know what to do.

"Stop turning this into a joke," she says. "We're not... we're not going anywhere until you've told me the truth."

Matsuda seems to slump a little, huddles back against the cobwebbed wall.

"There's nothing to tell," he says at last, but his voice is flat now, like he's not even trying to convince her.

"Yes, there is."

He doesn't answer - like he's decided to wait her stupidity out - and so she leans closer to him and says, "Why are you so quiet around my mother and me when she talks about him? Why do you keep telling us how sorry you are? You're not even making a very good job of lying to me right now."

"Perhaps I don't like talking about it," Matsuda says. There's a reddened mark on his face from where she hit him. "I was... I was fond of your brother." That, oddly enough, sounds like the truth. "Perhaps I don't know what to say to you both. It's difficult when... when someone's lost someone, you must know that. I know you... I know you must want him back. Him and your father. I know you must want it to have been different from how it is. But... but it's not."

His voice echoes in the empty, grimy room. Outside the sun is low; the dark is creeping up on them. Sayu shivers, wraps her arms around her knees again.

Perhaps it is - perhaps it is just -

Raito used to come out to this place. He never knew Sayu knew about it. She followed him a few times, hoping to catch him with a girlfriend, or smoking or something, but she never saw anything out of the ordinary. It seemed like he just came out here to think. Did he ever pick up on it, on her being here years later, on what happened? On what Matsuda must have seen? Did he ever get creeped out and not know why? She wants to believe he did. She wants to believe that really, they're here at the same time, they just can't see each other.

"I'm sorry," Matsuda says, quietly. "I know things are bad, but... but it's going to be okay, Sayu-chan, I promise. You let me go and I'll take you home and we don't have to talk about this ever again if you don't want to."

She nearly buys into it. She nearly listens, nearly starts picking at the knots, cries on his chest, tells him how sorry she is. Lets him keep rewriting reality.

No.

No. She's sure. She is sure there is something else! She knows there is! All her ideas, all the little clues, and she's just going to let them go because Matsuda pats her on the head and tells her things are okay? Things really aren't okay and she knows it and she's going to make sure he knows it too.

She leans across to the backpack she brought with her, unzips it. Her hands are still clammy and her stomach hurts but in her head she feels okay, just very determined, like she's walking down a tunnel and nearly at the end.

She finds the hammer, drags it out, holds it in her hands so Matsuda can see it.

"I've asked you," she says. "I've asked you lots of times now. If you don't tell, then I'm going to hurt you until you do."

She's never said anything like that before. But funnily enough, once you've decided, it's not that hard. Once you've made the decision, then you don't have all the voices in your head telling you that you're being mean.

"You're not," Matsuda says, but weakly, like he knows how stupid an argument that is.

"You don't get it, do you?" She tries to keep her voice calm. If she starts crying, he'll assume she doesn't actually want to go through with it. He'll try and talk her out of it. "I'm not just messing about. I'm not just... really upset and acting out. I need to find out the truth. I need to know. I like you, Matsuda-san. I don't want to hurt you, but it's... this is too important."

"It's not," Matsuda says. "It's not, really, you think knowing will make anything better but it doesn't - everything's just the same, you just feel worse - Sayu, please, listen to me -"

That settles it.

Sayu grips the hammer with both hands, like she's up to bat at baseball. She practised this, too, slamming it down onto the garage floor, learning not to wince at the slam of metal on concrete. She learnt to expect the weight of it, to keep her grip firm, to aim at a particular spot. And now she swings it and it's just going into the wall brings it across it's not going to hit anything real and she smashes it into Matsuda's right knee. It's just like her practice. Except for the sound at impact.

A few seconds later, Matsuda is screaming. Properly screaming. Sayu sinks back onto her knees and sits and watches him and the world pulls back and forth like waves. One minute she's going to be sick, the next she doesn't know what there is to be upset about. Outside she hears the scatter of birds, probably freaked out by all the noise. Matsuda is gasping for breath now, sobbing gulps, her name tangled in them. From very far away, Sayu thinks how much it must hurt, how much he must hate her. She doesn't want anyone to hate her. She knows she's unappealing enough as it is, the plain one, the boring one, the one still half-stuck in a mental breakdown. Matsuda thought she was worth being shy in front of. All at once, she wonders why she never thought that was enough. It seems now that it was always enough and she didn't know it until she smashed it to bits just now.

(It was because of Los Angeles, like everything is. The guy on the other side of the glass had a gun and he pointed it at her and pulled the trigger and she knew, she knew right then that if he'd told her to do something else, if he'd given her a choice, she would have done it, whatever it was. She thought Matsuda would be the same. She thought he was enough like her.)

She lies down next to him, so that she can look at him. His eyes are huge, startled, like he still can't work out what's happened. She puts her hand on his face; he's trembling, and his skin is damp and hot. As they touch, he tries to pull away, press himself against the wall.

"Sayu..." he stammers, "Sayu, please, please..."

"Tell me," she says. Her voice is shrill and tearful, but that doesn't matter, inside she's in freefall. If - it's nearly over now, she has to - she can - she wants to go home, she wants to go home - "please, Matsuda, please, I don't want to have to do it again -"

He's shaking his head. He's actually still trying to argue her out of it and she wants to scream at him, why is he being so stupid? She's ruined everything by now, what's the point of giving up when she's so close?

"You don't understand -" he's saying, "Sayu, I can't, I can't," and she's saying - she's sobbing - "You have to, you have to," and then, "I don't want to do it again, I don't want to, but I will, please don't make me -" and she's crying properly now, and she puts her arms round him and cries onto his shoulder, expecting him to shake her off any moment. He doesn't. He just says, "Sayu," and then, hopelessly, "Oh, Sayu..." and then, crying himself now, "Oh, god, Sayu, I'm so sorry -"

She pulls away from him, reaches for the hammer again. Rubs her hand across her eyes, takes a deep breath, and raises it.

That's when Matsuda tells her.

And he's right. It doesn't make anything better.