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Sep. 18th, 2003 08:29 pmToday has not been a good day.
When I got into work, it was staff meeting time (basically, Lynne, the manager, tells us all what's gone wrong all week and what we should be doing to improve.) Anyway, today she said we should all slow down and not keep making silly mistakes. "For instance, Maddy, making sure we put addresses on the instrument rentals. Someone nearly walked off with a 300-pound saxophone and no address left yesterday. Luckily we had a phone number for them!"
D'oh. However, this is only partly my fault. It's partly Emma's fault for not telling me the system doesn't accept addresses when you're in the middle of doing a rental. (I am SURE it used to, but...)
Next, I started getting really bad cramps, and burst out crying in front of half the staff (partly cos Emma was trying to explain again to me the aforesaid address problem and I was feeling stressed, partly cos I was in pain.) However, gulped down some painkillers, and felt a bit better for most of the day, until...
Completely FUCKED UP the posting of all the orders I'd done that day because for some reason, I'd forgotten to put in customer names and addresses. And I KNOW I used to be able to do this because Emma had to tell me not to input addresses unless the customer wasn't on our system and I made a note of it.
So that was all my fault, and now I feel so fucking stupid and pissed off with myself. I keep wanting to burst into tears. I absolutely hate feeling silly and ditzy and screwing up for no reason, and I just want to crawl into bed and die.
I didn't think I was this dumb. I knew I'm not that great with my hands, and I tend to panic easily, but I didn't think I just did dumb things for no reason.
I just wish I knew whether everyone else was as ditzy as this when they were new, or whether it was just me.
And I feel like if I do get fired, then I'll have to go through the whole job search thing again, and it'll be even worse because I'll know I can't do anything.
I wish I had weekends off. It always feels like there's nothing to look forward to.
FUCK.
When I got into work, it was staff meeting time (basically, Lynne, the manager, tells us all what's gone wrong all week and what we should be doing to improve.) Anyway, today she said we should all slow down and not keep making silly mistakes. "For instance, Maddy, making sure we put addresses on the instrument rentals. Someone nearly walked off with a 300-pound saxophone and no address left yesterday. Luckily we had a phone number for them!"
D'oh. However, this is only partly my fault. It's partly Emma's fault for not telling me the system doesn't accept addresses when you're in the middle of doing a rental. (I am SURE it used to, but...)
Next, I started getting really bad cramps, and burst out crying in front of half the staff (partly cos Emma was trying to explain again to me the aforesaid address problem and I was feeling stressed, partly cos I was in pain.) However, gulped down some painkillers, and felt a bit better for most of the day, until...
Completely FUCKED UP the posting of all the orders I'd done that day because for some reason, I'd forgotten to put in customer names and addresses. And I KNOW I used to be able to do this because Emma had to tell me not to input addresses unless the customer wasn't on our system and I made a note of it.
So that was all my fault, and now I feel so fucking stupid and pissed off with myself. I keep wanting to burst into tears. I absolutely hate feeling silly and ditzy and screwing up for no reason, and I just want to crawl into bed and die.
I didn't think I was this dumb. I knew I'm not that great with my hands, and I tend to panic easily, but I didn't think I just did dumb things for no reason.
I just wish I knew whether everyone else was as ditzy as this when they were new, or whether it was just me.
And I feel like if I do get fired, then I'll have to go through the whole job search thing again, and it'll be even worse because I'll know I can't do anything.
I wish I had weekends off. It always feels like there's nothing to look forward to.
FUCK.
