40fandoms: fandom 23
Mar. 23rd, 2009 07:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tallulahgs[Title] To Think About What You've Done
[Fandom] Zoe, a modern opera screened on Channel 4 some years ago which no one but me has ever heard of ^^
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Luke reflects on having time to reflect.
For Luke, it sometimes felt like going to jail was just the universe's way of actually giving him some time to think, after all that had happened.
Because it felt like before he'd met Zoe, he hadn't been thinking of anything much (other than how long it would be before he could afford a bass guitar, and how come Felix was so much better than him at asking girls out, and whether he'd picked the right A-Levels. Just boring stuff, really).
And then, after he'd met Zoe, all he'd been thinking about was her. What she thought of him. What she liked. How she sang. What she might look like if she took her clothes off. Even when he tried to move his mind off of her and on to something else, it just clambered back, like a big scruffy dog.
(When Felix had tried to move in on Zoe, Luke had been so busy thinking about her that it only occurred to him later what a scummy way it was to treat Gemma, who had, after all, been Felix's proper girlfriend for a really long time. But he didn't think of telling Gemma, or calling Felix on it, or anything like that. He just thought about how Felix always took everything, always won everything, and Luke wasn't going to let him win this.)
And then Zoe left school and moved in with Mr Trahan and Luke didn't see her for a year and yet he still couldn't stop thinking about her. All the Greenfuse stuff and the protests and the shouting and the banners and paint were just ways of showing that he was still thinking about her, and every time he yelled insults at her dad (who had hurt her badly, after all, must have done, made her run away) he sort-of hoped she'd hear, somehow, and be on his side.
And then she came to him and asked him to help. And maybe, maybe he should've thought, maybe he should've reasoned out that she couldn't be too happy with her dad. That she could have her own agenda. That it was just like the school dance all over again, when she'd wanted to dance with him but only because she just wanted to dance.
But he didn't. Think, that is. He just wanted to see her looking grateful. He just wanted to prove he was her friend.
And then after, after, when her dad was dead, at the trial she refused to meet his eyes and then she went down in flames, she confessed to murder (only it wasn't a confession, that makes it sound like you're sorry, and she wasn't, she was just angry) and he realised she wasn't thinking about him at all. Once again, she had other things on her mind.
But he kept thinking of her. And so he figured there wasn't any way to carry on without her, because thinking about her all the time when she was dead would be a million times worse.
[Fandom] Zoe, a modern opera screened on Channel 4 some years ago which no one but me has ever heard of ^^
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Luke reflects on having time to reflect.
For Luke, it sometimes felt like going to jail was just the universe's way of actually giving him some time to think, after all that had happened.
Because it felt like before he'd met Zoe, he hadn't been thinking of anything much (other than how long it would be before he could afford a bass guitar, and how come Felix was so much better than him at asking girls out, and whether he'd picked the right A-Levels. Just boring stuff, really).
And then, after he'd met Zoe, all he'd been thinking about was her. What she thought of him. What she liked. How she sang. What she might look like if she took her clothes off. Even when he tried to move his mind off of her and on to something else, it just clambered back, like a big scruffy dog.
(When Felix had tried to move in on Zoe, Luke had been so busy thinking about her that it only occurred to him later what a scummy way it was to treat Gemma, who had, after all, been Felix's proper girlfriend for a really long time. But he didn't think of telling Gemma, or calling Felix on it, or anything like that. He just thought about how Felix always took everything, always won everything, and Luke wasn't going to let him win this.)
And then Zoe left school and moved in with Mr Trahan and Luke didn't see her for a year and yet he still couldn't stop thinking about her. All the Greenfuse stuff and the protests and the shouting and the banners and paint were just ways of showing that he was still thinking about her, and every time he yelled insults at her dad (who had hurt her badly, after all, must have done, made her run away) he sort-of hoped she'd hear, somehow, and be on his side.
And then she came to him and asked him to help. And maybe, maybe he should've thought, maybe he should've reasoned out that she couldn't be too happy with her dad. That she could have her own agenda. That it was just like the school dance all over again, when she'd wanted to dance with him but only because she just wanted to dance.
But he didn't. Think, that is. He just wanted to see her looking grateful. He just wanted to prove he was her friend.
And then after, after, when her dad was dead, at the trial she refused to meet his eyes and then she went down in flames, she confessed to murder (only it wasn't a confession, that makes it sound like you're sorry, and she wasn't, she was just angry) and he realised she wasn't thinking about him at all. Once again, she had other things on her mind.
But he kept thinking of her. And so he figured there wasn't any way to carry on without her, because thinking about her all the time when she was dead would be a million times worse.
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no subject
Date: 2009-03-23 08:20 pm (UTC)I wanted to read this because there's nothing more frustrating than knowing a fabulous fandom that no one else knows and WAH. But I'm so glad I did. Because... Oh, poor Luke, and it feels so real and likely and cruel. And teenage, and it hurts so much and my poor Mouse has to go through all of horrible childhood and oh.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-24 06:56 pm (UTC)*cuddles* It's okay. Mouse won't end up like Luke. Luke was caught up in a rather unusual set of circumstances.
I'm glad you thought it sounded real, though, I wasn't sure about how this one turned out.
Thank you again! ^^