On the third day of Christmas
Dec. 28th, 2011 07:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tallulahgsmy true love sent to me
three unfinished ideas
[Title] Partners in Crime
[Fandom] Death Note/Malory Towers
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Mary-Lou knew all along that Misa was doing bad things, but didn't know how to stop her. Follows on/links up with a fic I wrote for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
12dayschristmas last year, but you don't need any knowledge of that one.
"Oh, Misa knows what would be awesome. Let's go and sit by the pool to do our prep!" And then her hand, smooth and small, is in Mary-Lou's, and she's dragging them both forward, out into the late-afternoon sunlight.
The rocks are warm and dry. Mary-Lou kneels - she's supposed to be memorising French poetry, and annotating Act Three of Othello - but Misa sprawls on her stomach, golden hair glinting thick and shiny above her tunic-clad shoulders. Her hair makes Mary-Lou think of chrysanthemums - some sort of bright, brash flower, at any rate.
Among the scatter of prep things in front of her is the black notebook.
Mary-Lou looks at the waves instead, going in and out like breathing, and she tries to focus on the lines of poetry in her lap. But above the waves she can hear the scratch of Misa's pen, rhythmic scribbles. The other girl is humming slightly. Mary-Lou tries not to listen. Misa is humming one of the tunes Irene was singing earlier. It sounds sadder when she does it. As if the composer has been dead and buried for hundreds of years.
"Misa -" she starts. As if she's got an idea.
Misa doesn't answer.
She is Mary-Lou's best friend. She calls Mary-Lou sweet, let Mary-Lou try on her funny black dresses and said Mary-Lou is as little and cute as me and hugged her. When Alicia mocked Mary-Lou for being soppy, Misa said airily Alicia is just jealous because she doesn't know how to feel and didn't seem bothered at all by the resulting argument. She talks happily about anything and so Mary-Lou never feels stupid and tongue-tied when they're together.
It's okay, she said, when Mary-Lou finally learnt what the notebook did. I don't kill nice people. Just criminals. Burglars and murderers and people like that. She looked into Mary-Lou's face and she laughed, as if a horrified expression was a ridiculously over-the-top response. I mean, a lot of them would be hanged anyway! And even the ones who wouldn't, you know you'd be terrified out of your mind if you ever found one of them in your house. Misa doesn't want Mary-Lou to be scared.
And a bit later she said, All right, then, do it. Go and sneak on me. Misa thought you would. And all at once she was looking at Mary-Lou as coldly as if they weren't friends at all. As if it was easy for her to stop caring about that part of it. That was when Mary-Lou really saw what she was about to lose.
I don't want to - she said, and it was like broken glass being torn out of her.
And Misa said Then don't.
Now, out in the sun, Misa writes a final name and then she closes the book and slides it under her other work. She looks over at Mary-Lou and smiles - sweetly, guiltily, as if she's been spotted eating a large slice of cake.
"Misa will test you on that poem," she says, flipping the book out of Mary-Lou's hands. "Bet you know it all already!"
While it was going on, Mary-Lou felt as if she were constantly having to hold her breath as if she was wearing a dress that was a little too tight. As long as she didn't think too deeply - as long as she floated on the surface of everything, up there with Misa and the sun and prep and lacrosse matches where her best friend shot the winning goal - then everything was all right.
At the same time, she was terrified and she told herself she didn't know why.
Now - now she feels everything, her feelings pour out of her so that her eyes are constantly reddened and puffy. And yet she feels like she'll never be frightened again. Like nothing matters enough for her to be frightened.
Right now, being driven away from Malory Towers by a police officer, definitely expelled, probably going to go to prison or Borstal or something, and certainly never, ever going to see Misa again (who has been directly responsible for hundreds of deaths, and so is in such a huge amount of trouble Mary-Lou can't quite imagine it) right now, she wants to clutch her knees to her chest, like a child, and stop trying to wear a calm face, and cry and cry and never stop. The only reason she isn't doing that is that she thinks it will be awful, crying in front of the police officer, and maybe she still cares a little about not looking like a baby to others or maybe she just doesn't want to make things uncomfortable for him. He keeps glancing worriedly at her in the overhead mirror. If she cries, either he'll ignore her, and that will make her feel stupid, or he'll try and get her to stop, and that will make her feel selfish. He looks young - he's got large brown eyes, and dark, floppy hair - and he looks like the kind of person who would try and be nice to someone crying.
So she takes a deep breath, and settles her hands more carefully in her lap.
"Are you warm enough back there?" the man asks. "It's.. it's horrible weather today."
"I'm all right," Mary-Lou says. And then, "Thank you." He's talking to her like she's a victim, not a criminal. She wonders if he knows what she did.
The man glances at her nervously again, and she feels mean, as if she is playing up her misery to make him feel uncomfortable. She tries a smile, and says, "I... I didn't think police officers would be friendly when you've done something wrong. I suppose I thought it would be more like a... a telling-off."
The man smiles back at her, sort of, and says, "You're hardly the worst criminal I've ever seen. I save my stern lectures for the real bad guys."
Of course. No matter how terrible Mary-Lou feels, there are still people out there who've actually killed someone, and weren't sorry about it, and probably even did it with their bare hands. (Mary-Lou has nightmares sometimes that she's accidentally written down someone's name in Misa's notebook, just because she can see just how easy it would be to do so.) And policemen have to confront those sort of people all the time and not show that it's upset them. Although this man doesn't look like the kind of person who could do that. He looks kind and he seems shy even talking to her. She wonders if, when he told people he was going to be a police officer, they laughed at him, said he would be too scared.
They probably don't let people with criminal records become nurses. She didn't think of that at the time, either.
"It... it'll be okay." The police officer sounds tired and sad like he doesn't really believe it, but he carries on: "Anyone can see you're a good person. You just... didn't... didn't know how bad it all was. And it's not like L even wants people knowing about the notebook. Hey, he might say you can go free if you don't tell anyone about it. You'll be fine, really, okay?"
Mary-Lou wants to thank him for trying, but she thinks if she opens her mouth then she will start crying again. Misa didn't cry at all. As they heard the footsteps coming up the stairs her mouth flickered in a tired little smile and then she actually stepped forward as if she just wanted to get it all over with. When she heard they'd caught Light too, she went all white and blank, like a broken doll, but she still didn't cry.
"The others... the others said they thought Light was the one doing the killings," the man says, and his voice is quieter now, flatter. "He was working with us, you know? He was helping L."
Mary-Lou didn't know it. All at once she's furious with this boy she's never met. If he was helping L, then why couldn't he have protected Misa? She cared enough about him, didn't she?
"I didn't believe it," the man carries on. "I thought... I knew Light was amazing. I knew he wouldn't do anything like that. If... if he'd told me before everyone else found out... if he'd told me and he'd asked me to keep quiet about it..."
Mary-Lou looks up at him, and their eyes meet in the mirror. She wonders if he really would have kept quiet. She wonders if he knows what it's like. He looks like the kind of person to whom friends would be important.
Don't, she nearly says. I thought I was being brave. That's where it all went wrong. I thought if I were being brave, then it didn't matter what I was actually doing.
No, he looks like he might understand. He looks as if he sees, a little, of how much she's lost. How much of her tears are for her friendship with Misa rather than any guilt at all. But if he has got even some idea, she doesn't want him to tell her. It's bad enough thinking about it, let alone having to talk. She turns her face away, stares out at the fields around them.
Why did you tell me anything about it? Mary-Lou wrote. You could have kept it all secret, let me think it was just your diary. I was already your friend. Did you not think you could trust me not to gossip? Or
Or did you decide it would be easier if it were two of us always sneaking off to be alone? Did you always plan for me to find out? Did you know you could trust me not to sneak? What gave you the idea that that would be best? What made me look so stupid?
I didn't want you to get in trouble, Misa wrote. Misa's sorry. Mary-Lou is the best friend Misa's ever had. But I couldn't do anything, do you see? Light wanted me to help and so that's what I had to do.
You will stay my friend, won't you? Misa always wanted you to be her friend. Light was very angry when he heard someone else knew about the notebook.
He wanted me to kill you, but I wouldn't. I said you were my friend and I knew you were a good person, I knew you'd understand. You understand, don't you?
Mary-Lou didn't write back. She thought Misa was lying, but she couldn't bear the hope that she might not be.
three unfinished ideas
[Title] Partners in Crime
[Fandom] Death Note/Malory Towers
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Mary-Lou knew all along that Misa was doing bad things, but didn't know how to stop her. Follows on/links up with a fic I wrote for
12dayschristmas last year, but you don't need any knowledge of that one."Oh, Misa knows what would be awesome. Let's go and sit by the pool to do our prep!" And then her hand, smooth and small, is in Mary-Lou's, and she's dragging them both forward, out into the late-afternoon sunlight.
The rocks are warm and dry. Mary-Lou kneels - she's supposed to be memorising French poetry, and annotating Act Three of Othello - but Misa sprawls on her stomach, golden hair glinting thick and shiny above her tunic-clad shoulders. Her hair makes Mary-Lou think of chrysanthemums - some sort of bright, brash flower, at any rate.
Among the scatter of prep things in front of her is the black notebook.
Mary-Lou looks at the waves instead, going in and out like breathing, and she tries to focus on the lines of poetry in her lap. But above the waves she can hear the scratch of Misa's pen, rhythmic scribbles. The other girl is humming slightly. Mary-Lou tries not to listen. Misa is humming one of the tunes Irene was singing earlier. It sounds sadder when she does it. As if the composer has been dead and buried for hundreds of years.
"Misa -" she starts. As if she's got an idea.
Misa doesn't answer.
She is Mary-Lou's best friend. She calls Mary-Lou sweet, let Mary-Lou try on her funny black dresses and said Mary-Lou is as little and cute as me and hugged her. When Alicia mocked Mary-Lou for being soppy, Misa said airily Alicia is just jealous because she doesn't know how to feel and didn't seem bothered at all by the resulting argument. She talks happily about anything and so Mary-Lou never feels stupid and tongue-tied when they're together.
It's okay, she said, when Mary-Lou finally learnt what the notebook did. I don't kill nice people. Just criminals. Burglars and murderers and people like that. She looked into Mary-Lou's face and she laughed, as if a horrified expression was a ridiculously over-the-top response. I mean, a lot of them would be hanged anyway! And even the ones who wouldn't, you know you'd be terrified out of your mind if you ever found one of them in your house. Misa doesn't want Mary-Lou to be scared.
And a bit later she said, All right, then, do it. Go and sneak on me. Misa thought you would. And all at once she was looking at Mary-Lou as coldly as if they weren't friends at all. As if it was easy for her to stop caring about that part of it. That was when Mary-Lou really saw what she was about to lose.
I don't want to - she said, and it was like broken glass being torn out of her.
And Misa said Then don't.
Now, out in the sun, Misa writes a final name and then she closes the book and slides it under her other work. She looks over at Mary-Lou and smiles - sweetly, guiltily, as if she's been spotted eating a large slice of cake.
"Misa will test you on that poem," she says, flipping the book out of Mary-Lou's hands. "Bet you know it all already!"
While it was going on, Mary-Lou felt as if she were constantly having to hold her breath as if she was wearing a dress that was a little too tight. As long as she didn't think too deeply - as long as she floated on the surface of everything, up there with Misa and the sun and prep and lacrosse matches where her best friend shot the winning goal - then everything was all right.
At the same time, she was terrified and she told herself she didn't know why.
Now - now she feels everything, her feelings pour out of her so that her eyes are constantly reddened and puffy. And yet she feels like she'll never be frightened again. Like nothing matters enough for her to be frightened.
Right now, being driven away from Malory Towers by a police officer, definitely expelled, probably going to go to prison or Borstal or something, and certainly never, ever going to see Misa again (who has been directly responsible for hundreds of deaths, and so is in such a huge amount of trouble Mary-Lou can't quite imagine it) right now, she wants to clutch her knees to her chest, like a child, and stop trying to wear a calm face, and cry and cry and never stop. The only reason she isn't doing that is that she thinks it will be awful, crying in front of the police officer, and maybe she still cares a little about not looking like a baby to others or maybe she just doesn't want to make things uncomfortable for him. He keeps glancing worriedly at her in the overhead mirror. If she cries, either he'll ignore her, and that will make her feel stupid, or he'll try and get her to stop, and that will make her feel selfish. He looks young - he's got large brown eyes, and dark, floppy hair - and he looks like the kind of person who would try and be nice to someone crying.
So she takes a deep breath, and settles her hands more carefully in her lap.
"Are you warm enough back there?" the man asks. "It's.. it's horrible weather today."
"I'm all right," Mary-Lou says. And then, "Thank you." He's talking to her like she's a victim, not a criminal. She wonders if he knows what she did.
The man glances at her nervously again, and she feels mean, as if she is playing up her misery to make him feel uncomfortable. She tries a smile, and says, "I... I didn't think police officers would be friendly when you've done something wrong. I suppose I thought it would be more like a... a telling-off."
The man smiles back at her, sort of, and says, "You're hardly the worst criminal I've ever seen. I save my stern lectures for the real bad guys."
Of course. No matter how terrible Mary-Lou feels, there are still people out there who've actually killed someone, and weren't sorry about it, and probably even did it with their bare hands. (Mary-Lou has nightmares sometimes that she's accidentally written down someone's name in Misa's notebook, just because she can see just how easy it would be to do so.) And policemen have to confront those sort of people all the time and not show that it's upset them. Although this man doesn't look like the kind of person who could do that. He looks kind and he seems shy even talking to her. She wonders if, when he told people he was going to be a police officer, they laughed at him, said he would be too scared.
They probably don't let people with criminal records become nurses. She didn't think of that at the time, either.
"It... it'll be okay." The police officer sounds tired and sad like he doesn't really believe it, but he carries on: "Anyone can see you're a good person. You just... didn't... didn't know how bad it all was. And it's not like L even wants people knowing about the notebook. Hey, he might say you can go free if you don't tell anyone about it. You'll be fine, really, okay?"
Mary-Lou wants to thank him for trying, but she thinks if she opens her mouth then she will start crying again. Misa didn't cry at all. As they heard the footsteps coming up the stairs her mouth flickered in a tired little smile and then she actually stepped forward as if she just wanted to get it all over with. When she heard they'd caught Light too, she went all white and blank, like a broken doll, but she still didn't cry.
"The others... the others said they thought Light was the one doing the killings," the man says, and his voice is quieter now, flatter. "He was working with us, you know? He was helping L."
Mary-Lou didn't know it. All at once she's furious with this boy she's never met. If he was helping L, then why couldn't he have protected Misa? She cared enough about him, didn't she?
"I didn't believe it," the man carries on. "I thought... I knew Light was amazing. I knew he wouldn't do anything like that. If... if he'd told me before everyone else found out... if he'd told me and he'd asked me to keep quiet about it..."
Mary-Lou looks up at him, and their eyes meet in the mirror. She wonders if he really would have kept quiet. She wonders if he knows what it's like. He looks like the kind of person to whom friends would be important.
Don't, she nearly says. I thought I was being brave. That's where it all went wrong. I thought if I were being brave, then it didn't matter what I was actually doing.
No, he looks like he might understand. He looks as if he sees, a little, of how much she's lost. How much of her tears are for her friendship with Misa rather than any guilt at all. But if he has got even some idea, she doesn't want him to tell her. It's bad enough thinking about it, let alone having to talk. She turns her face away, stares out at the fields around them.
Why did you tell me anything about it? Mary-Lou wrote. You could have kept it all secret, let me think it was just your diary. I was already your friend. Did you not think you could trust me not to gossip? Or
Or did you decide it would be easier if it were two of us always sneaking off to be alone? Did you always plan for me to find out? Did you know you could trust me not to sneak? What gave you the idea that that would be best? What made me look so stupid?
I didn't want you to get in trouble, Misa wrote. Misa's sorry. Mary-Lou is the best friend Misa's ever had. But I couldn't do anything, do you see? Light wanted me to help and so that's what I had to do.
You will stay my friend, won't you? Misa always wanted you to be her friend. Light was very angry when he heard someone else knew about the notebook.
He wanted me to kill you, but I wouldn't. I said you were my friend and I knew you were a good person, I knew you'd understand. You understand, don't you?
Mary-Lou didn't write back. She thought Misa was lying, but she couldn't bear the hope that she might not be.
