On the first day of Christmas
Dec. 26th, 2012 05:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tallulahgsmy true love sent to me
One wasted opportunity
[Title] Only an Echo
[Fandom] Akira (manga)
[Rating] PG for language and slight mention of death
[Notes/Summary] Kaneda talks to Kei about what he saw in Tetsuo's mind.
It was some weeks after the ending, when Kaneda felt he'd pulled things on to a sort of even keel. Supplies distributed. The sick and injured either stable or dying quietly in corners. The biggest holes patched or at least covered with tarpaulin.
Him and Kei walking by what was left of the canal. Cracked concrete, lined with silvery water. A good place to walk with Kei, really, 'cause you could pretend you were too focused on not standing ankle-deep in puddles to talk about the big important shit. But hold her hand, help her over stepping stones, because she was a girl, after all. He amused himself for a bit imagining how mad she'd get if he said that to her face, scripted a mock argument. But he'd got her away from everyone because he did want to talk to her, even if it wasn't about anything important. (Although really, if you thought about why all this happened, perhaps it was after all.)
"You must've got a pretty good handle on weird psychic visions by now, right?"
Kei looked back at him, smiled through the sunlight. "I don't think anyone really gets a handle on it. But sure, I could probably put it as a transferrable skill on my resume."
She was waiting for him to smile back, but he forced himself not to, to keep his mouth shut. Don't pussy out. She frowned. "Have you seen something? I mean, since it all happened?"
"No! God, no, my brain's good. Well, no worse'n usual. I just... so, back then, I saw..." Deep breath. "Just before you showed up, called me back, I..."
"What did you see?" she said, gently, stopping and turning to face him. He didn't want her to see his face, he had a nasty idea there were gonna be feelings here.
"Okay, so, back in the day, I... I first met Tetsuo in a playground. He'd been beaten up by some jerks who lived nearby, and I went up to him, I told him how they did it to everyone and it was okay, you know?"
She nodded.
"He ran away. He thought I was trying to start something, thought I was going to pick on him too. Only later, when I'd stuck up for him again, and I didn't give him a hard time, he actually believed I wasn't out to get him." Raw throat. "Well, you know, maybe he never did really believe it, seeing how shit went down, but... you know."
It was a warm day, one of the warmest so far, and he could feel the sun on the back of his neck and the damp rising from the ground. And the smell of the water. Not mouldy, not like most other places. Cleaner, like rain.
"This time... I was in his head, and I saw it again. I mean, I was there, and I was me, but I was a kid again too. He ran off, like before, and I said... I said something like you got it wrong. All I wanted was to be your friend."
His throat hurt now. God damn it, he knew he shouldn't have started talking about it. He wished the sun was behind Kei, he wished he could pretend it was in his eyes.
"And he heard. He turned back, this time. He said he was... he was happy to have a new friend. And... so what I want to know is, what the hell was that all about? Did he hear me? I mean... by that point he was hardly looking for friends, specially not if they were me. Or was I... was I really back there? I saw a lot of stuff, stuff from all different times. Did I... did I go back?"
"Kaneda..." she began, but all at once he didn't want to hear it, all at once he was pissed off: "Because if I did, why the fuck didn't I say something more useful? I went back and I told him something he already knew! I should've said... god, I don't know what, but - warned him somehow, told him - or said I was sorry how it all happened, said...
"I should've said something," he finished, lamely.
Kei walked back to stand with him, took his hand; her fingers, cool and strong, squeezed his. She was staring out at the canal now, the breeze flicking her hair.
"I think you couldn't have," she said. "I don't know if it was him now hearing you, or him then, but either way talking to him more would've pulled you in so far I could never have got you back. You don't get the chance to say all you wanted to and be able to come back afterwards."
Kaneda snorted, to cover up any hoarseness left in his voice. "Right. Psychic shit always screws you over, how could I forget?"
They walked on a little further, in silence, and it really was silence now. Kaneda was still getting used to the no traffic, no radios, no adverts, just emptiness hanging in the air. But eventually Kei said, "He was in that - that maelstrom just like you were. Just like Akira and Kiyoko and the others were. He would have heard you." She didn't look at him, but it was okay, because the sun glinted like broken mirror off the water just at that moment, and so it gave him a reason to blink and rub his eyes.
One wasted opportunity
[Title] Only an Echo
[Fandom] Akira (manga)
[Rating] PG for language and slight mention of death
[Notes/Summary] Kaneda talks to Kei about what he saw in Tetsuo's mind.
It was some weeks after the ending, when Kaneda felt he'd pulled things on to a sort of even keel. Supplies distributed. The sick and injured either stable or dying quietly in corners. The biggest holes patched or at least covered with tarpaulin.
Him and Kei walking by what was left of the canal. Cracked concrete, lined with silvery water. A good place to walk with Kei, really, 'cause you could pretend you were too focused on not standing ankle-deep in puddles to talk about the big important shit. But hold her hand, help her over stepping stones, because she was a girl, after all. He amused himself for a bit imagining how mad she'd get if he said that to her face, scripted a mock argument. But he'd got her away from everyone because he did want to talk to her, even if it wasn't about anything important. (Although really, if you thought about why all this happened, perhaps it was after all.)
"You must've got a pretty good handle on weird psychic visions by now, right?"
Kei looked back at him, smiled through the sunlight. "I don't think anyone really gets a handle on it. But sure, I could probably put it as a transferrable skill on my resume."
She was waiting for him to smile back, but he forced himself not to, to keep his mouth shut. Don't pussy out. She frowned. "Have you seen something? I mean, since it all happened?"
"No! God, no, my brain's good. Well, no worse'n usual. I just... so, back then, I saw..." Deep breath. "Just before you showed up, called me back, I..."
"What did you see?" she said, gently, stopping and turning to face him. He didn't want her to see his face, he had a nasty idea there were gonna be feelings here.
"Okay, so, back in the day, I... I first met Tetsuo in a playground. He'd been beaten up by some jerks who lived nearby, and I went up to him, I told him how they did it to everyone and it was okay, you know?"
She nodded.
"He ran away. He thought I was trying to start something, thought I was going to pick on him too. Only later, when I'd stuck up for him again, and I didn't give him a hard time, he actually believed I wasn't out to get him." Raw throat. "Well, you know, maybe he never did really believe it, seeing how shit went down, but... you know."
It was a warm day, one of the warmest so far, and he could feel the sun on the back of his neck and the damp rising from the ground. And the smell of the water. Not mouldy, not like most other places. Cleaner, like rain.
"This time... I was in his head, and I saw it again. I mean, I was there, and I was me, but I was a kid again too. He ran off, like before, and I said... I said something like you got it wrong. All I wanted was to be your friend."
His throat hurt now. God damn it, he knew he shouldn't have started talking about it. He wished the sun was behind Kei, he wished he could pretend it was in his eyes.
"And he heard. He turned back, this time. He said he was... he was happy to have a new friend. And... so what I want to know is, what the hell was that all about? Did he hear me? I mean... by that point he was hardly looking for friends, specially not if they were me. Or was I... was I really back there? I saw a lot of stuff, stuff from all different times. Did I... did I go back?"
"Kaneda..." she began, but all at once he didn't want to hear it, all at once he was pissed off: "Because if I did, why the fuck didn't I say something more useful? I went back and I told him something he already knew! I should've said... god, I don't know what, but - warned him somehow, told him - or said I was sorry how it all happened, said...
"I should've said something," he finished, lamely.
Kei walked back to stand with him, took his hand; her fingers, cool and strong, squeezed his. She was staring out at the canal now, the breeze flicking her hair.
"I think you couldn't have," she said. "I don't know if it was him now hearing you, or him then, but either way talking to him more would've pulled you in so far I could never have got you back. You don't get the chance to say all you wanted to and be able to come back afterwards."
Kaneda snorted, to cover up any hoarseness left in his voice. "Right. Psychic shit always screws you over, how could I forget?"
They walked on a little further, in silence, and it really was silence now. Kaneda was still getting used to the no traffic, no radios, no adverts, just emptiness hanging in the air. But eventually Kei said, "He was in that - that maelstrom just like you were. Just like Akira and Kiyoko and the others were. He would have heard you." She didn't look at him, but it was okay, because the sun glinted like broken mirror off the water just at that moment, and so it gave him a reason to blink and rub his eyes.
