tallulahgs: (Dying a virgin)
[personal profile] tallulahgs
The Internet seems confused today. First of all Windows said it couldn't access the Net because it couldn't read my IP address, then the connection shut off for no reason and is now back. Whatever.

Okay, first of all I have something to say that will make one person on my Flist very happy - last night I saw the first five episodes of Ghost In The Shell: Standalone Complex! In general I really enjoyed it; the plots were clever and intriguing, the characters interesting and cool, and the cityscapes and drawings were really beautiful and atmospheric. The only thing I didn't like was the increased fanservice - Motoko so had no reason to wear as her uniform a high-cut bathing suit and thigh-high boots/stockings. She seemed more feminine and human in this in general, which at times was quite nice (I really liked her hair) but other times annoying.
But overall excellent. I was sorry I had to leave early.

And now the rambling.

The following one is literally just to straighten out things in my own head, which I find easier to do on Livejournal.


The way I see it, your choices determine your future. So it is important to make the right choices. We make choices by weighing up the pros and cons, that is, by analysing the possible good results and bad results and the chances of both occurring. For instance, I could decide that dashing into the path of speeding traffic may result in me meeting the love of my life when he nearly runs me down. However, the chances of this happening are very remote. What is a lot more likely is that I will at best piss a lot of people off, and at worst, cause injury or death to myself or others. Result: I choose not to run into the traffic.
However, it becomes harder to analyse stuff in this way when the chances of good and bad stuff happening are a lot more equal. For instance, if I take a placement year, I could make new friends and find a career choice. I will certainly earn more money and gain useful experience for my CV. However, I could also end up working for a year in a place I never want to work in again (I tried this two years ago and it sucked).
Two things to consider:
1) I don't particularly like maths or science. I quite like computing, but I'm not sure I'm good enough or interested enough to self-study enough to get really good and get a job in it. Maybe I just want to take units in it during my degree because it's different and quite interesting.
2) I don't want to be challenged. I really don't. Struggling to do things, at the moment, stresses me out. Well, I don't know. Do I get an increased sense of satisfaction when I complete a difficult task? I am at the moment thinking of maths sheets. The trouble is with them that completing one is not really completing the challenge - it's just another step on the way to the larger goal of understanding, and that's the hard part...
I suppose one could call fanfiction a challenge, but I don't see it as that. Either I can write a story, or I can't. If I can't, I can't. I've learnt that by now.

In a way I just want to get my degree over with - I'm only at uni to get that precious qualification.
Dammit. Now I've just confused myself even more.
I mean, I know once I've finished uni, assuming my parents let me live at home, I can almost certainly get another job in a shop or if necessary go on the dole. But then what?
Okay, I'm ceasing this ramble. It is worrying me.


This ramble is because there's been quite a lot of discussion about feminism on my Flist and in a book I'm reading, so I've been thinking about it a lot.

I am forced to wonder now whether women (as a whole) can ever relate to men (as a whole). I am aware that there do exist happy male-female partnerships, and it seems to me that you can play whatever role you like in such a partnership as long as you're both happy with it. If the woman likes staying home and keeping house and letting the man be her protector and white knight, and he enjoys being the breadwinner, cool. If she wants to go out and work and he doesn't feel threatened by that, go for it. It's when one person has an idea of what the other 'should' be like that problems seem to arise...
... but is it that simple? I don't think it's unreasonable for a woman to say 'a man should not slap a woman around.' Or for a man to say 'a woman should not make false rape accusations.' But then what about 'a woman should do the cleaning' or 'a man should not get turned on by soft-core porn'?
In the book I was reading (The Stronger Women Get, The More Men Love Football: Sexism and the Culture of Sport by Mariah Burton Nelson) she said that men should not treat women as sex objects because if one group sees another as just sex objects, the two groups can never be on equal footing. But the fact is that straight men do find women sexy. It's, y'know, that biology thing. Some of the stories she told made me angry. Others made me shrug. I find it weird when guys see me as sexy (not that it's happened very much!) I don't know. I think what I'm trying to say is, if men can only love women when women allow themselves to appear sexy and vulnerable, and women can only love men if men treat them as equals and don't show that they find women with no clothes hawt, then... what hope is there? Sure, you could argue that 'in the past' women were women and men were men and it's all women's fault for daring to step outside the stereotype. But then, extending that argument leads me to the conclusion that men only want women who defer to them as 'the superior sex', and that is not something I personally am prepared to do!
And sure, you can let a man protect you. But what if he dies or divorces you? Then what are you going to do? If you can't find another man, you'll have to learn to be independent. Oh dear.
Men can be frightening. I don't know if men ever find women frightening. Do they? Men can also be really nice people. My brother and my dad and a lot of the guys I know are great people. But it can't be denied that loads more men are jailed for rape and murder and violent crime. Does that make women less violent, conditioned to be less violent, or simply better at not getting caught?
Anyway. My disjointed, naive thoughts.

Date: 2005-10-16 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angrychemist.livejournal.com
I had an absolutely HUGE response to your post on Feminism, but I deleted it because it was much too large. You may have read it in your e-mail response, but don't reply to it. If you do, well, your comment will show up but not mine. It's best to discuss it online on an IRC. And I again hope I didn't go overboard if you DO get to read it.

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