Fic update: Death Note - Broken Hallelujahs - Chapter 16

[tallulahgs]

[Title] Broken Hallelujahs
[Rating] PG-13 (slightly above that language-wise)
[Fandom] Death Note
[Story Summary] AU. Neither Raito nor Near's victory went as planned. Now the task force and the SPK are on the run with Kira's notebook and all the power of the new world against them.

Penultimate chapter! Who's going to make it out alive?

[Chapter 16 on Fanfiction.net]

[Chapter 16 on skyehawke.com]

Comments

[mayfic.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, we're nearing the end!

Light didn't, in the end, take that much to undo. He was relying on the fact that he was so sure that Matsuda would do what he wanted.

He didn't have much chance after the death note was dissolved, though, so all that needed to happen was either a stretch where Kira kills nobody (all he has is Misa, indefinitely, and she's going to be little use without a death note) or be caught killing people, himself, in a way that would clarify him as just a murderer.

And it's an interesting place for the chapter to end where Light is dead but there's still one more chapter.

The scene where the SPK died (?) was pretty disturbing, because I really do think that Kira's supporters would just tear people apart like that.

Really awesome chapter, looking forward to the final one.:)

[tallulahgs]

Thank you!

I think I wanted it to be, like, in the end L was right, and things were as out of control for him as they were for everyone else. Even if he'd managed to kill Matsuda and Ide, things still wouldn't have magically fallen into place for him.

[mayfic.livejournal.com]

Yes, I really do think that by the end (both here and in canon), due to Light's increasingly tenuous grasp on sanity and reality, he was losing his grasp on the world, too. One person cannot micromanage the world.

[tallulahgs]

Completely. Certainly in canon, he wanted it to take on its own momentum, but, I don't know, I feel he underestimated the level of control he'd lose because of that? (I'm not sure if I have actual textual elements to back this up...)

[mayfic.livejournal.com]

I think he underestimated how much control he could conceivably have before he went mad from it. If it continues on its own momentum, then it's likely to fit into something else because it's going to become apparent that Kira isn't there executing people. And then Kira wouldn't fit back into it.

There was always too many variables.

[tallulahgs]

And of course, from his perspective, he could never, ever go mad, because he's perfect -_- Which wouldn't have helped. He was never that self-aware.

Yes. He could never sustain the illusion of being as powerful as a god... not in the long term.

a review

[fatalna.livejournal.com]

…in which I blather on using IT terms and a very long paragraph about Matsuda, too.

Aizawa, or the Chief-lite, gone too soon! But I liked his final scene, like that of total prankster, taunting Raito and ducking out. Unlike Mogi or Ide or Matsuda, Aizawa's got the moral high ground of not having screwed up in any way. But that is not enough. Maybe that's what separates the task force and the SPK from the geniuses -- despite his moral superiority, Aizawa still cares for his team mates and chooses to divert Kira's followers from pursuit, bringing the ire of Raito upon him in order to give them a chance of escaping.

The scene between Misa and Mogi is as real as it gets, there are no lies or half-veiled truths thrown around, it is what it is, whatever it is between them two. And I can certainly appreciate someone who is torn between allegiance to two different people, allegiance that is based on different principles in each case, allegiance that wavers, shimmers, and may break down or …or not.

I'm not sure if it's appropriate to go into how I thought things were going to go down, but suffice it to say, the showdown between Raito and Matsuda satisfied each and every expectation, beginning with Matsuda dream-like state when accompanying Raito as he searches for Ide and ending with Matsuda's immediate concern for Raito, having inadvertently shot him in the struggle over the gun. Over the course of the story the two of them develop a kind of relationship -- that of the condemned and the savior, of the turtured and the torturer -- a relationship that binds them a little closer together than Raito may realize. His ploy to break down Matsuda with his words alone, in front of Ide, ends up backfiring not because it was impossible to begin with, in fact, the threat of Matsuda taking his own life was very very real, but because Matsuda is obsessed with doing things right, making amends, proving things to himself and to the world at large. What saved him was a kind of primal instinct (in IT terminology we'd say he POSTed, in reference to the power-on-self-test routines that run after a device is rebooted/powered on), that called up the image of the Chief, his mentor, and his own role as a police officer, and his capabilities as such. Again, the kind of brainwashing he received from Raito (over the course of the Kira investigation as well as the their recent encounters) that he's fighting against is tough to discard, especially since he has previously offered, even begged, to take his own life. One of my favorite moments is when Matsuda externalizes himself into "the smart version of him, the one who always knows the right thing to say, the one who's a nice person," bringing into contrast the kind of person he felt he had been since he had shot an innocent person -- scattered, frightened, damaged -- in search of restitution for the things he did or did not do and an idealized image of oneself that each of us carry within.

By the time Ryuk reappears to confirm Raito's demise (I love how you wove in elements from the ending of the manga and anime) he almost seems superfluous -- the human drama alone drives the story and makes it a compelling and unforgettable read.

Re: a review

[tallulahgs]

*squeaks happily*

Aizawa is totally the Chief-lite and always has been. Yeah, I really wanted it to be that he does something that objectively seems stupid, or not worth the risk, because he's been all about trying to do the right thing Even When.

I'm glad the Raito-Matsuda showdown worked for you! I had to rewrite it more than once but I was pleased with how it ended up finally. I love what you say about Matsuda here, I completely agree *hugs him* and nothing wrong with a bit of IT talk ;)

(Glad you noticed! :D Originally I had Raito die onscreen, but it felt repetitive of canon, so I shuffled him off earlier.)

So glad you are liking the fic and it is giving you lots to say. I feel proud!

[fatalna.livejournal.com]

I liked that very much, the unexpected action from Aizawa. And I can totally see the build-up to their televised execution and the sudden!survival as a kind of catalyst for making spur-of-the-moment, bold, and somewhat irrational decisions. Hell, the Chief had certainly done a fair share of these (from a hospital bed to a one-man assault on Sakura TV headquarters, for example).

I think it was an excellent decision to have Raito die offscreen. The manga gave him a multi-page death scene (not saying you couldn't match or top that), so it was better to make his death a more distant experience, almost as if separating Raito from Kira -- Raito is human and susceptible to death, but Kira has by now grown to such proportions that he will not die as easily. Of course, I'm biased, at the back of my mind I'm thinking, serves you right, Raito! (you asshole). ^_^

I know I experimented with my review styles a bit, I hope you enjoyed them. If it isn't obvious, every one of my paragraphs can be prefaced with I like how....

[tallulahgs]

I do find Soichiro so interesting in his tendency to go to extremes/epicness, considering what his son does. (And I do love that bit. Right up to "I FEEL AWESOME! ... okay, maybe I should sit down for a bit...")

I couldn't match it with the situations being so similar - it just felt like I was weakening my own dramatic climax! ;) But I really like your point about it working thematically. And as you say in your other comment - Kira can manage the world, but Raito can't.

(I thought that too. It is totally reasonable.)

I did! And I'm glad you liked stuff ^^

[fatalna.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree with mayfic's comment, too! The whole framework of DN is essentially Raito's spiral, the curve of his actions starting out fairly small and manageable but as the ante is upped (or he inadvertently "raises" by killing off the FBI agents) it eventually gets too large for him to handle, he stretches himself too thin and loses control.

I remember a doujin in which Raito dies of old age and ends up in the shinigami realm where he's told his punishment will be to "relive" the death of every person he'd killed. At first he's terrified, but then he realizes that this punishment at least give him some time to "live" so he decides to go and make an offer to the shinigami king to help revive the realm or some such. Despite my misgivings about Raito, I can totally see this happening (him trying to match wits the shinigami "old man" and maybe even win him over). I was amused by it, though I suspect the (human) world he left behind was pretty much "unliveable" at that point.

[tallulahgs]

I can totally see Raito trying to do that. The guy would manipulate anyone.

I guess, also, it's not just that he stretches himself too thin - he also... his focus narrows. He becomes even more focused on himself, and on being a god, rather than thinking smart. I think the five-year-timeskip didn't help him.

[tallulahgs]

... *facepalm* and that wasn't your other comment, it was mayfic's. YOU'RE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND ARTICULATE I MIX YOU UP. Sorry!